Latter Day Saint Pioneers Crossing The Plains | Willie and Martin Handcart Company
THE SEPARATING SICKNESS
I retired not long ago after teaching at three universities in the United States on marriage and family. During my career I read several books and professional articles on these topics. There was one particular book, however, that gave me the greatest insights on the importance of marriage in society. That book was The Separating Sickness written by Ted Gugelyk and Milton Bloombaum and published in 1979 in Hawaii.
The book includes a series of interviews conducted with men and women at Kalaupapa, a leper colony on a small peninsula on the north side of Molokai, Hawaii. (After 1873, the word “leper” was discouraged in preference to “Hansen’s Disease” named after a Norwegian doctor, Gerhard Armauer Hansen who made important discoveries about the disease.)
The residents interviewed by Gugelyk and Bloombaum told of their initial shock and feelings of abandonment after being sent to the colony. They also described how they felt being separated from family members, sometimes permanently, and other loved ones which often included a spouse. Some of the older people interviewed had been at the colony several decades.
In the 1860’s the Hawaiian government leaders and health officials became aware of the large number of residents with leprosy or Hansen’s Disease in Hawaii. They strongly considered and finally accepted geographical isolation as a major means of controlling and limiting the increase of the disease. They were likely influenced by Protestant leaders who quoted Leviticus 13:46 in the Bible which states “he (the leper) is unclean; he shall dwell alone; without (or outside) the camp shall his habitation be.” The biblical Israelites believed that isolating those with the disease would help keep it from spreading. Some Protestant leaders in Hawaii in the 1860’s hoped that isolating those with Hansen’s Disease would do the same in their country. And eventually the isolation began. The small peninsula on the north side of Molokai called Kalaupapa became the place selected for isolation in 1866.
The disease in the Hawaiian Islands became known as MA’I HO’OKA’AWALE which means The Separating Sickness in the Hawaiian language. People of all ages sent to Kalaupapa in the early years were never allowed to leave the colony once they arrived. Visits of family members to those at the colony were often infrequent if they occurred at all. And when they did visit they were separated from those with the disease by wire fences and touching or hugging was not allowed.
Some family members chose never to visit because they felt the disease was a disgrace or even a plague or curse derived from some concepts also implied in the book of Leviticus. Many patients sent to the colony never saw family members again.
Some Hawaiians stated the consequences of the family separations caused by the disease were worse than the disease itself.But it was the impact of the disease on married couples that received my greatest attention. Many were forced to separate but not because they stopped loving or caring for each other. It was because of the government law or edict of isolation. When a Hawaiian husband or wife was diagnosed with the disease and ordered to go to Kalaupapa, the remaining partner had a difficult decision to make.
He or she could remain at home and be granted an automatic divorce by the government. Or, they were eventually allowed to choose to go with the diseased spouse and become a Kokua (or helper). By so doing the Kokua would also experience the same isolation and separation from family members and friends. The term MA’I’ HO’OKA’AWALE or The Separating Sickness had real meaning to those having to make the decision to stay behind or go Kalaupapa as a Kokua and even anticipated dying there with their spouse.
There were approximately 8.000 people eventually buried at Kalaupapa which included family members who had the disease. On April 1, 1946 a Tsunami, or excessively high ocean waves, struck the peninsula and destroyed most of the grave markers at the colony. Today, only about 1,200 grave sites are currently identified with headstones or markers. But among those identified are many married couples who died there and are buried buried side by side.
The exact numbers of Hawaiian spouses who stayed behind and were granted a divorce, and those who chose to go to the colony as a Kokua are not currently known. But I have become impressed with the significant number of spouses who did choose to go. I later learned of four married couples who celebrated fifty years of marriage, their Golden Wedding Anniversary, at Kalaupapa. They lived in the small community of just a few square miles for most if not all of their fifty years of marriage. Perhaps some public or even national recognition could and should be given to these four couples.
When couples marry today there are usually statements of commitment by the bride and groom in the ceremony. They include such words as “for better or worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, or staying together during good times and bad” which almost all married couples experience. Perhaps we could add one more statement of commitment during current wedding ceremonies: “I would be willing to go with you to Kalaupapa.”
After reading The Separating Sickness, I wonder how many of us today would be willing to make that commitment? Could we follow the example of the many devoted and committed Hawaiian spouses who choose to do so?
While pondering this question I read a scripture in the Bible, Ruth 1:16-17 which had great impact on the decision I have now made. How about you? Would you be willing to go with your spouse to Kalaupapa?
10 Basic Differences Between Men, Women
Published December 7, 1989. A few weeks after Susan and I were
married, we had an experience that was mildly distracting. We were riding along
the freeway in our Corvair, and she nonchalantly reached over and turned on the
car heater.
There was only one problem. I was
sweating at the time, so I nonchalantly reached over a few seconds later and
turned the car heater off. She gave me an icy look. Literally. She was cold,
and I was hot. And neither of us believed the other.
At the time we were newlyweds we
discovered a basic difference between us. Susan liked warm temperatures and I
liked cooler ones. At the time of our discovery, we each thought the other was
playing games. Little did we realize that response to room or environmental
temperature is a basic difference between males and females.
The late Paul Popenoe, founder of the American Institute for
Family Relations in Los Angeles, wrote a brief article on the physiological
differences between the sexes. Here are a few of his observations:
- Men and women differ in every cell of their bodies due to the basic difference in the chromosome combination that determines whether we are male or female.
- Women have greater constitutional vitality because they normally outlive men their same age by at least three to four years in the United States.
- The sexes differ in their basal metabolism – that of women being lower than that of men.
- Men and women differ in skeletal structure. Women have a shorter head, broader face, less protruding chin, shorter legs and a longer trunk. And for what it is worth, the first finger of a women’s hand is usually longer than the third finger. With men the reverse is true. And boys' teeth seem to last longer than do those of girls.
- Women have larger stomachs, kidneys, and livers, but smaller lungs.
- A woman’s thyroid is larger and more active. It enlarges during pregnancy and also during menstruation. It makes her more prone to goiter, provides resistance to cold, is associated with smooth skin and a relatively hairless body. There is also a thin layer of subcutaneous fat that is an important element in personal beauty. The active thyroid also, according to Popenoe, may be a contributing factor why most women laugh and cry more easily than do men.
- Women’s blood contains more water and 20 percent fewer red cells. Since these supply oxygen to the blood cells, she is more prone to faint.
- With a differing muscular structure, men and women differ in sheer strength. Men are 50 percent stronger than women.
- A woman’s heart beats more rapidly than does a man’s. (Eighty beats per minute for women: 72 for men). And her blood pressure is 10 points lower than her male counterpart’s, and it varies from minute to minute. But she has much less tendency to high blood pressure – at least until after menopause.
- And finally, (Are you reading this, Susan?) women tolerate higher temperatures better, and consequently lower temperatures worse, than do men because of metabolic differences.
Just think. It has taken me 25 years
of marriage and earning a Ph.D. to finally figure out why Susan and I have the battle
of the thermostat. And all this time I thought she was just being obstinate.
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