Happiness--More Mind than Circumstance

Published February 25, 1982. Not long ago, I was talking to one of my teaching assistants, Anita Rein, and discussing my concern that not very many people today appear to be happy. Anita told me she had written a paper recently on happiness and shared her thoughts with me. Here is what she wrote:

I have a quote I have found helpful in life. It is by Chuang-Tse and is as follows: “Perfect happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.” Think about it for a moment. Is happiness a by-product of living rather than the constant pursuit of it?

Does happiness come from others, from friends, family, neighbors, or a marriage partner? Is happiness derived from experiences in life, external events, or does it come from within? Is happiness a state of mind?

I believe that happiness is mostly the latter. It is a process of realizing individual worth and potential and then working toward the attainment of our fullest capacity. But the constant craving for perfection keeps many from attaining happiness.

Trying to improve oneself or a marriage is noteworthy, but constantly demanding perfection in ourselves and others can undermine and even prevent the very thing the person is seeking. Again, perfect happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.

There is a quote by Brigham Young that seems relevant. He stated, “We all occupy diversified stations in the world, and in the kingdom of God. Those who do right, and seek the glory of the hereafter in heaven, whether their knowledge be little or much, or whether they can do little or much, if they do the very best they know how, they are perfect.

I have observed a number of children lately and am impressed with their ability to find happiness and even excitement with just a few things in life. This reinforces my belief that happiness is a state of mind rather than a set of circumstances. If we could retain or gain the imagination and spontaneity of children, perhaps we would be happier in our daily living.

Granted the fact that a few things or material possession are needed in life, happiness is not necessarily attained by having an accumulation of things. Happiness is neither having, nor being, but becoming. It is not one’s position, but one’s disposition that brings either joy or despair.  Perhaps this is what Paul meant in the Bible when he said, “For I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content” (Phillipians 4:11). This applies to all: the married, those not married, the divorced, and the widowed.

Is there a way to tell how happy we are? Perhaps our happiness or lack of it is reflected in our facial features as expressed in the following poem:

You don’t have to tell how you live each day

You don’t have to say if you work or play

A tried, true barometer serves in this place

However, you live, it will show in your face

The false, the deceit that you bear in your heart

Will not stay inside when it first gets a start

For sinew and blood are a thin veil of lace

What you are in your heart you wear on your face

If your life is unselfish, if for others you live

For not what you get, but how much you give

If you live close to God in His infinite grace

You don’t have to tell it, it shows in your face.

Truly, “A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance” (Proverbs 17:22).

I thank Anita for sharing her thoughts on happiness. If others have comments on this topic, we’d like to hear from you.