Is There Need for Marriage Education?

Published September 22, 1983. Some people become offended at the idea that we need education about marriage. After all, our parents, and particularly our grandparents, did not have it or apparently did not need it.

You may be interested to know that this kind of thinking has a definition. According to Dr. Clark Vincent, marriage educator and counselor, it is called the “myth of naturalism.”  Simply defined, the myth of naturalism implies that human beings take to marriage as naturally as little ducks take to water. It is all somehow instinctive, effortless, and automatic

Dr. David Mace, a longtime advocate of marriage education and enrichment, recently commented on the myth of naturalism in his book “Close Companions.” He noted, “Even when one marriage in every two or three breaks down and ends in divorce, we persist obstinately to believe that no one needs to get involved.

“If planes taking off from our airports crashed at the same rate as marriages fail, there would be a public outcry and federal investigation. But when it happens to marriage, the foundation stone of the family, which in turn is the foundation stone of human society, we simply shrug our shoulders and say, “Too bad – but what can we do about it?”

Dr. Mace continues, “If a house burns, we rush fire engines to the spot. If there’s an accident, we call an ambulance. If a tree falls on a power wire, a trained team will be there in minutes. If your telephone goes dead, we’ll have it working in no time. We take elaborate precautions to protect you from epidemics, to keep food and your drinking water free from impurities, to provide you with effective sanitation. We will arrange for you to have regular medical and dental checkups. But your marriage? Well, you see, that’s something different. You have to understand that marriage is a personal affair. Marriage is really nobody’s business.”

In “Close Companions.” Dr. Mace then concludes, “So we remain detached, apparently indifferent, pursuing the policies adopted years ago before marriage changed from something fairly easy to something very difficult. As the long, endless line of young men and women move into marriage, we stand aloof, letting them sink or swim.

“And the fact that we have never taught them to swim, although we have the knowledge to do so, makes no difference. The fact that the sea is much rougher than it was in the days when we adopted the hands-off policy about marriage makes no difference. Even the possibility that nearly every other one of them is going to sink makes no difference. We just stand by, awkwardly detached, helplessly incapable—because it has been decided that marriage is nobody’s business.”

Strong words with a strong argument. But is Dr. Mace correct? Do we need marriage education, both before and after the wedding? We who are involved in the field of marriage education and counseling do not claim to know all the answers or even all the questions. But we are making headway.

A few weeks ago, I had an interesting phone conversation with Dr. David Olson at the University of Minnesota. Dr. Olson is one of the best researchers in the area of marriage in the United Sates today. Through his research, Dr. Olson found that a stable and satisfying marriage depends on knowledge and skills in about 10 to 12 specific areas. I will be meeting with Dr. Olson next month in Minnesota and look forward to our discussions.