If I Were the Devil and Wanted to Ruin Marriages

Published February 3, 1984. If I were the devil and wanted to mess up a lot of marriages, there are many things I could do.

First, I would start with the newlyweds and try to get them discouraged early in the relationship.

As the marriages progress, I would get both husband and wife involved in so many activities that they are constantly exhausted, physically and mentally. Couples who are too tired to do much together really have no advantage over those who won’t.

I would make everyone tense, snippy, and hopefully easy to anger. Fatigue and exhaustion are wonderful contributors to marital disruption.

If I were the devil and wanted to mess up a lot of marriages, I would make many think they are very secure in their marital relationships, when they actually are not. In that way they won’t bother to do much about it. I would make them think that divorce is something that happens to everyone else. I would discourage any attempts a couple might make to change any aspect of their marriage that they do not like. Growth, likewise, would be discouraged. Any attempt to make necessary changes would hopefully be met with sarcasm, indignation, threat, or open hostility.

If I were the devil, I think I would invent a box about two feet square that married people, individually or collectively, would sit around and stare at for hours upon end, late into the night. This would help control any meaningful conversation that might otherwise occur. And it would assure me that any potential time that might be spent together as husband and wife will otherwise be consumed by staring at my box.

I would make men and women believe that being a husband or a wife is far less important than being a father or a mother. Children must come first, even at the expense of the marriage.

If I were the devil and wanted to mess up marriages, I would make married couples believe that if their sexual relationship is functioning well, all others will also. If that tactic did not work, I think I would go to the other extreme and get them to underestimate the importance of sexual interaction in marriage. Having a balance would be very difficult to do.

I also think I would make them believe they must keep their married children very close to them in the name of family solidarity. I would have the in-laws invite over their married children often, whether they wanted to come or not. In fact, I would insist on it. Then, if the children did not come for some reason. I would encourage the mothers involved to act offended in subtle ways. Guilt is a wonderful disruption of marriages.

If I were the devil, I would try and make people believe that divorce is now the norm. I would try and make them believe that more people are getting divorced than are staying married. And I would spread the rumor that most of those who are married are not really happy anyway.

I would try and make everyone believe that marriage is only for the young. That love is there for the beautiful and attractive as defined by Madison Avenue. I would get them to think that midway through life, the best has passed them by. Hopefully, they will not only believe it, but will also act accordingly. And maybe they will think that behavior, like age, is unchangeable.

And finally, I would try and convince married couples that I really do not exist.

And that is exactly what he has done.