Kids Bite Their Lips on Kissing Issue

Published March 7, 1985. There is an old song titled “As Time Goes By.” The first part of the song states “You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss.” Apparently it is not. We had an interesting discussion on this very topic in my marriage class at BYU the other day. The class is Family Living 301, Preparation for Marriage, and is comprised of single students.

The topic was dating, and somehow we started talking about appropriate behavior for ending a date. One young woman from New York stated that at the end of her dates, she simply thanked the fellow and kissed him on the cheek before going in the door as a final gesture of appreciation.

Her comment caused quite a stir and was unsettling to many of the other young women in my class. Kissing a fellow goodnight on the first date? One coed, a freshman from Utah, nearly fainted when it was even suggested.

My students at BYU come from several areas of the United States, Canada, and a few foreign countries. Even though almost all are Latter-day Saints, it is evident that there are differing attitudes about this display of affection.

The student from New York, who kissed the fellows on the cheek, stated it was a common practice on the east coast where she grew up. It was simply a courtesy extended to express appreciation. She also indicated she had come from a family where touch in the form of hugging and kissing was a common form of expressing affection. This type of behavior among family and friends obviously had no romantic or sexual overtones, and she felt very comfortable with it.

Other young women in the class felt otherwise. They felt that a kiss in any form should be reserved for the latter stages of commitment in a relationship. One coed said she thought kissing on the first date was inappropriate, since she had been taught that a kiss was “special” and should be reserved for engagement, or even marriage.

A fellow from Los Angeles agreed with the student from New York. In his opinion, and in his exact words, some people are “too uptight” about touch and kissing. He indicated that in his high school it was also a common practice for a girl to kiss a guy on the cheek as a way of saying thank you at the end of a date. Nothing lustful. Nothing immoral. Just a common form of courtesy.

Someone then raised the question about public displays of affection after marriage. Is it appropriate for husbands and wives to kiss a member of the opposite sex after marriage, even as a matter of courtesy? And what about hugging? Again, the opinions varied. Some felt both the courtesy kiss and a hug to be appropriate while others did not.

The bell rang, class ended, but we didn’t resolve the matter. Maybe it was not possible. As I left the university that day, I was more aware of how much we differ in our society in regards to both attitudes and behaviors regarding marriage.

What do you think? Is a courtesy kiss appropriate on the first date? And what about after marriage? Would you allow your husband or wife to embrace and/or kiss a member of the opposite sex? If so, when and under what circumstances? I’d like to hear from you.