Husbands Can Be Abused, Too

Published March 20, 1986. A few columns back I wrote about wife abuse and suggested it is a topic that needs more attention. Several people wrote in and commented on the column. One woman stated we also need to be aware that wives can physically abuse husbands.

I don’t know the exact statics, but I understand there are almost as many wives who beat husbands as there are husbands who beat wives. Why husbands would allow wives to beat them is not totally understood, either.  They may have very low self-esteem and may feel any physical punishment received is warranted.

Then there is the problem of reporting. A husband may be hesitant to call the police station and report that he has just been beaten up by his wife.

I received a letter from Carla Heiniger of Provo. Carla has her Master’s of Social Work (MSW) and is affiliated with the Center for Women and Children in Crisis at Provo.

She wrote:

Dear Dr. Barlow:

I was pleased to see that you addressed the issue of spouse abuse in your recent Desert News column. This is an issue which most people seem to think is non-existent in our area. The fact is that it’s a social problem of increasing magnitude. Education is a vital step, if the problems of spouse abuse are to be addressed effectively. Now that you have identified the situation, you would do a great public service if you would use your column to go a step further and address options for the woman who is in an abusive relationship.

There are a number of identifiable patterns in most abusive relationships. One of these patterns is that the woman feels powerless, helpless to change the situation, and feels trapped. The fact of the matter is that women do have options and often benefit from counseling to help them understand that they do not need to live in an abusive relationship.

One of the first steps a woman may take is to call the nearest shelter for abused/battered women. If she does not know how to contact the shelter, the local police department or Family Service office can assist her. Shelters offer a number of services including crisis counseling, a safe place for the woman and her children to stay, assistance in identifying options and community resources, group or individual counseling and emotional support. In my work, my objective is to assist the woman to identify options, make choices in her own best interest and then begin to take positive actions.

I, too, shed tears for Celle in the movie ‘The Color Purple.’ I’m just so very grateful that a woman who is suffering abuse in this time and place need not suffer in silence. There is help, if she will but reach for it.

Thank you for your time.

Carla Heiniger, MSW

The address for the Center for women and Children in Crisis in Provo is P.O. Box 1075, Provo, Utah 84603. Their business phone number is (801) 374-9351 and the Hot (Crisis) Line number is (801) 377-5500. A person may call (801) 355-2804 in Salt Lake City for information or assistance.

We thank Carla Heiniger and others who wrote in. Hopefully public interest in spouse abuse will be heightened through education. Then we need to do as Carla suggests and move on from public interest to public action. Physical abuse by family members in our communities should not be tolerated. And when necessary, it must be prevented.