Love Is . . . Hard, Day-by-Day Work

Published March 12, 1987. Some of you remember the old song: “Love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage.” Well, do they? It all depends on how you define love.

Some people think a marriage is based on some romantic notion of love, where people uncontrollably become attached to each other. It is supposedly automatic, with no real effort to either become or stay “in love.”

Others confuse sexual attraction with love. They are unaware that they can become physically attracted to people they don’t even like, let alone love. Sometimes our body overpowers our brain. Someone once cautioned young women that any fool can go to bed with a man. But it takes real love for a woman to get up with him in the morning and face life’s problems . . . together.

Husbands and wives in successful, satisfying marriages today have learned that love takes patience and work . . . genuine effort day by day.

In the Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment (ACME) February, 1987 "Marriage Enrichment Newsletter" is an interesting definition of love for married couples as well as those young men and women who are about to be married. It goes as follows:

Love

By Barb Upham

Love takes time. It needs a history of giving and receiving, laughing and crying,

Love means believing in some one, in something. It supposes a willingness to struggle, to work, to suffer and to rejoice.

Love is doing everything you can to help others build whatever dreams they have.

Love involves much careful and active listening.

Love is constant journey to what others need. It must be attentive, caring, and open, both to what others say and to what others cannot say.

Love says ‘no’ with empathy and great compassion. When others have tried and failed, love is the hand in yours in your moments of discouragement and disappointment.

Love is reliable.

Love is a choice and commitment to others’ true and lasting happiness. It is dedicated to growth and fulfillment. Love is not selfish.

Love realizes and accepts that there will be disagreements and disturbing emotions . . . There may be times when miles lay between, but love is a commitment. It believes and endures all things. It forgives.

Love is the first to encourage and the last to condemn.

Love is commitment to growth, happiness, and fulfillment of one another.

The ACME is to be commended for their efforts to help others have better marriages.