Hen has role in ruling the roost

7/17/1980 QUESTION: Why must men feel they are superior to women? My husband wants to dominate me in almost all aspects of our marriage. How can I let him know that I want control over most if not all of my own life?

ANSWER: It is a tragedy in marriage when one partner believes himself or herself to be superior and must therefore, control, manipulate, and direct the affairs of the other. Unfortunately, the belief that men are superior to women goes back several hundred years in history. And relatively few are aware of the inferior status women have had and still retain in many countries.

Aristotle wrote his time. “The man is by nature superior and the female inferior; and the one rules and the other is ruled. The male is by nature fitter for command than the female. We must look to the female as being a sort of natural deficiency.”

Rousseau, the French philosopher also noted, “Woman is especially constituted to please men, to be useful to them, to make themselves loved and honored by them, to educate them when young, to care for them when grown; to counsels them, to console them and make life agreeable and sweet to them – these are the duties of women at all time, and what should be taught them from infancy.”

Blackstone, the jurist, wrote in his famous “Commentaries” that the very being or legal existence of women is incorporated and consolidated into that of the husband; under who wing, protection and cover, she performs everything” Milton, the English poet, observed. “It is no small glory to him (man), that a creature so like him should be made subject to him. “

But it has not only been men who perpetuated the superiority-of-man belief. A 19^th-century Englishwoman, who signed her name “Lady of Distinction” wrote. “The most perfect and equality, just as world history indicates a trend toward equality among people regardless of sex, race, or creed.”

They continue, “The question of who has the right to do what to whom – and when – is the pervasive issue which must be worked out by every married couple for it arises daily. A set of relationship rules must be agreed upon. In the formulation of these rules each individual must feel that he or she has a right, equal to the other’s right, to determine what goes on.”

The two marriage counselors conclude. “A person who feels that he or she is being controlled, denied the rights of reasonable self-determination, will – overtly or covertly – to regain control. History of both marriages and actions repeatedly has shown that systems based on an unequal division of power eventually fall. To survive, a system requires mutual responsibility, reward, security, and dignity.”