What Does a Wife Really Want?

Published April 30, 1981. What do wives want form their husbands anyway? Is it love? Attention? Gifts? All of these? We may be on the verge of finding out, at least from wives in the Intermountain Area. And a little more assistance is needed.

A few months ago, nearly 100 women responded to my newspaper column in the Deseret News, inviting them to tell me what their husbands do to show their love that they, the wives, appreciate. Here are a few of their comments:

“He listens attentively.”
“He spends time (a day or weekend) with me alone without the children.”
“He brings small, unanticipated gifts.”
“He builds my self-concept and sense of worth.”
“He gets up with sick children at night.”
“He finds pleasure in helping me attain sexual fulfillment.”
“He says, ‘I love you’ frequently.”
“Last Sunday he went on a walk with me and sat and talked and watched the sunset.”
“He took a marriage enrichment class with me.”
“Last year he wrote over one page of reasons why he loved me. That page is like gold to me.”
“He takes over the household tasks while I’m out doing church assignments.”
“He goes willingly to my family reunions.”
“He cooks New Years dinner by himself and lets me watch the football games.”
“He shows me affection, even when my hair isn’t combed.”
“He didn’t get angry when I banged up our car on the garage door.”

The letters have been reviewed several times, and from them I have compiled what I call the Profile of a Loving Husband. The profile is comprised of several statements that seem to appear time after time in the various letters. The statements have been combined into 20 general areas and I am now trying to determine which of the 20 are the most important. And that is where you wives come in again. I need your help in the evaluation.

I will mail you two copies of Profile of a Loving Husband. One is for you to keep and review with your husband. The other is for you to fill out and return anonymously.

By completing the profile, you will not only be indicating to your husband what you want and appreciate in marriage, but you will also be showing him the order of importance.

Simply review the 20 characteristics in the profile I will send you and rank order the 10 most important to you in your marriage at the present time. Then review one copy with your husband and mail the other one to me within a week. After a substantial number have been returned, I will print the results in a future column.

What is contained in the Profile of a Loving Husband? Here are just three of the 20 characteristics:

1. He gives genuine help around the house without being asked and without complaining.
2. He frequently compliments me.
3. He expresses affection by touch without sexual overtones.

To receive two complete copies of Profile of a Loving husband, send a long-stamped, self-addressed envelope. I’ll mail them to you within two or three days. Hopefully, the profile will be of interest to both husbands and wives.

All I can say is, “Sigmund Freud, brace yourself! We are about to find out!”