Plan for Zest in Marriage

Published July 23, 1981. Dr. Sidney Jourard, marriage counselor in Gainesville, Florida observed, “I had been struck by the incredible lack of artistry and creativity in marriage partners. Either person may be imaginative in making money or decorating a house, but when it comes to altering the design for their relationship, it is as if both imaginations had burnt out.”

He continues, “For years spouses go to sleep night after night with their relationship patterned one way, a way that perhaps satisfies neither too close or distant, boring or suffocating, and on awakening the next morning they reinvent their relationship in the same way.

Dr. Jourard concludes, "There is nothing sacred to the wife about the way she decorated her house, as she begins small and shuffles things around until the new décor pleases her. But the way she and her husband interact will persist for years unchallenged and unchanged long after it has ceased to engender delight, zest, and growth.

If you are among the happily married and would also like to add a little more delight, zest, or growth to your marriage, you may want to think about a Marital Action Plan.

The Marital Action Plan is a nine-step program whereby a husband and wife relate some of their marital expectations to each other and then devise a brief plan to make some of the expectations realities. It should be done within a 3-4 week period.

Beginning the latter part of August, I will be conducting two marriage seminars and need some help in preparing for them. At these seminars, we will talk about ways husbands and wives can bring about constructive changes in their marital relationships. To do this, a Marital Action Plan has been designed, and about 30 couples are needed to pilot test the exercise before the seminars begin.

Couples who help with the pilot test will be asked to return a brief, 1-page report indicating whether or not the attempted changes were attained. Constructive criticism of the MAPS exercise will also be appreciated.

One word of caution, Neither the Marital Action Plans, nor our marriage seminars, are designed for those who are having severe marital problems. They are meant only for those who presently enjoy their marital relationship and desire to improve it even more. We simply follow the 4-H Motto, “To Make the Best Better.”

Talk it over with your husband or wife. If you would be willing to be one of the 30 couples, send a long, stamped, self-addressed envelope to MAPS. Both husband and wife must sign the letter, indicating a willingness to complete the MAPS Exercise. If more than 30 couples apply, preference will be given to those who write in first. There will be no charge.