So, How Important Are Looks?

Published November 5, 1981. A woman from South Salt Lake wrote not long ago and took me to task about something I had written. Some of you may recall that two weeks ago I wrote on the Profile of a Loving Wife and stated that one thing many men wanted or appreciated in a wife was attractiveness.

The exact words were, “A loving wife is aware that her appearance and physical fitness affect how her husband feels towards her.” Notice that I said “affect” not “cause.”

For this observation or comment, the reader called me a male chauvinist you-know-what-that-oinks. Now that my morning was shattered, the accusation caused me some thought.

Am I really the personification of male chauvinism, or did I merely comment on a sensitive area in marriages? Is it solely my biased observation, or is it a common expectation of many husbands? After some discussion with my associates in nearby pens (I mean offices), I still believe that looks or attractiveness are important, in fact, very important, to men in marriage.

In one study, if research means anything, at the College of San Mateo in California, 350 randomly selected men and 350 randomly selected women were asked to write down three qualities they valued most in a date and three qualities they valued most in a marriage partner.

The qualities listed by men as the most valuable in a date were in rank order: (1) looks, (2) personality, (3) sex appeal, (4) intelligence, and (5) fun, good companionship. The qualities listed by women as the most valued in a man for a date were in rank order (1) looks, (2) personality, (3) thoughtfulness, consideration, (4) sense of humor, and (5) honesty.

And what qualities did they desire in a marriage partner? For men, they wanted in a wife (again in rank order) (1) looks, (2) love, (3) compatibility, (4) sex appeal, and (5) loyalty, faithfulness.

As you will note, looks or attractiveness were the number one quality a man was seeking in both a date and a wife.

The reader may be saying the study was done in California where all they do is romp on the beach, surf, and suntan. That may or may not be true. And it may be that the only exposure that many of us in Utah have to Californians is what Clifton Jolley writes about them in his Desert News column.

Most people in Utah would probably agree that Californians are different. I have to be careful here. Susan, my wife, grew up in San Luis Obispo, California and went to high school with Clifton. But maybe Californians are not that different--perhaps just a little more honest.

To help me gain a better perspective of this topic, I’m inviting the readers, particularly the men, to write in. Write a paragraph or two and tell me whether or not attractiveness or looks in a wife are important and indicate why or why not. From the letters I will glean the most representative and best comments and include them in a future column.

Send your letters to Dr. Brent Barlow, University Station Box 7528, Provo, Utah, 84602. You need not sign your name unless you desire to do so.

The men who responded to my survey indicated that attractiveness is desirable in a marriage partner but stated several other characteristics were equally if not more important. So perhaps good looks ranks somewhere between “highly and somewhat” important to husbands. I await your letters.