Sly, Cunning and Sinfully Clever

Published February 16, 1984. Two weeks ago I wrote a column about some tactics the devil may use to create marital turmoil. I invited comments, and the mail came in. The following letter is typical of those received:

Dear Dr. Barlow:

I don’t have to think about what I would do to ruin marriages if I were the devil because I already know what he has done to try and ruin mine.

Just three weeks ago I received a phone call from a stranger informing me that his wife and my husband were seeing each other. I, who was so sure this type of thing only happened to other people, trusted my husband completely and did not believe the stranger at first. But as evidence surfaced that same evening, I began to see I could be wrong. And I was. My husband confirmed the stranger’s story only hours after the man called.

Since that night a lot has happened, both good and bad. My eyes have been opened to the small things that happened over a period of a few years. All this led up to the incident of my husband having a relationship with another woman.

The devil is sly, cunning and intelligent. Here are three things he did to try and ruin our marriage:

1.     He made my husband believe that success in his job is more important than anything else. This resulted in many hours, 60-70 a week, spent away from home.

2.     He made me believe that to compensate for my feelings of loneliness and rejection, I was not to let my husband know that I cared about him. Included in my revenge were not sharing my feelings with him nor caring what his feelings were and giving all my love and time to our small children instead of him (and then resenting both the children and my husband). Also, not giving him the physical love he needed, not just sexually, but touching, kissing, sitting close, holding hands, etc. And finally, I was so sure all of our problems were his fault that I was not willing to change or even compromise in any manner.

3.     He made my husband believe that there was no harm in having a close ‘friendly’ relationship with a member of the opposite sex. (They were just helping each other with their problems in the beginning, but it ended up in a physical relationship also).

The letter writer concluded that even with all this working against them, the couple found strength in their religion. Both were humbled and chastened, but are able now to apply the principles of Christian love to each other. And, she says eternity looks a whole lot closer and brighter since they were able to share the love they nearly lost.

I give the devil a lot of credit for our dilemma. But I am also thankful I can give the Lord more credit for our present and future happiness.

(Signed by the column reader.)

We thank this woman for sharing her thoughts and experiences. And we congratulate this couple for working through a crisis in their marital relationship.