Simplified Parenting: Skip the Books, Seminars

Published October 2, 1986. Susan and I would like to write a book sometime about parenthood. The problem is it would only be one page long. Let me explain.

During our 21 years of marriage we have had seven children, something we now call the Snow White Syndrome. Rearing our children has been far more challenging than we anticipated or even dreamed.

Being in the field of marriage and family has been somewhat of an occupational hazard for us. I attended many classes on parenthood and children at Florida State University and shared the experiences with Susan. We tried books and professional journals as new theories and insights were reported. And we seemed to try them all as we bounced along from one technique to the other. The number of seminars we attended on parenthood each year seemed to be in direct proportion to the number of children we had at the time.

But as we became older and life became more hectic and complex, we stopped attending the seminars and reading the books about children. We now have four simple goals or principles that have helped us survive parenthood. Here it is. Brent and Susan Barlow’s one-page book titled “Simplified Parenting.”

At start we asked ourselves what was it we wanted to accomplish while being parents. After extensive deliberation we came up with our first major goal:

GOAL #1: “All our children will grow up and leave home before we die.”

This first goal is something we have written on a 3x5 card and taped on our refrigerator door. We want our children to share the goal as well.

After more discussion, we realized we have more children than we can emotionally care for. We now feel we are capable of caring for four. The problem is, we have seven. So we have decided to pick four each week and work on them. Give attention to those who need it the most, and let the rest go for a few days.

So, GOAL #2 is: “Float three children at all times.”

We rotate the children every seven days. Susan and I meet Monday morning and decide which four we will work on. We rotate them all during the month so they all get some attention. If a crisis arises, we immediately add one and drop another. The whole process seems to work pretty well.

Susan commented one time that no matter how much we try to be good parents, one or two of the children always seem to be upset about something. Different ones at different times. So we wondered out loud if it is really possible to have all the children happy at once. We decided it was neither likely nor possible. So we try to keep most of our children happy most of the time. But what percent is a realistic figure to try and keep happy?

We attended a Sunday School class not long ago. The lesson was on the war in heaven in the preexistence (Revelations, Ch 12). We were reminded that one-third of the followers were disobedient and the other two-thirds obeyed. We left Sunday School with new insights on what percentage of our kids to try to keep content.

GOAL #3 “Try and keep two-thirds of our children happy at any one time.” Any percentage above that is unrealistic and not based on biblical principles.

After some careful consideration, we came up with our fourth and final goal for “Simplified Parenting.” It really was quite insightful.

GOAL #4: “Float the children who are upset and unhappy.”

This philosophy makes parenthood much more enjoyable . . . and peaceful. So throw away your books on how to be a better parent. You need not attend any more classes or seminars either. Just adopt the four major goals in the new, simplified parenting plan of Brent and Susan Barlow.