Published December 17, 1981. Which is the most critical year of marriage? Most husbands and wives would say “the one we are in!” But there is increasing evidence that
the first year of marriage is an important one.
It was Alexander Pope who wrote, “As the twig is bent, the
tree is inclined.” And the statement is apparently true for the first year of
marriage and that which follows.
Pertaining to dating or courtship, William George Jordon
wrote “In the days of courtship, two may feel that they thoroughly understand
each other, and that no matter how many marriages fail, their happiness
together is absolutely assured. Yet courtship is only the kindergarten class of
matrimony.”
He continues, “Courtship is the preliminary canter, not the
real race. It is the matrimonial shopping; marriage is the acceptance of the
unreturnable delivered goods. Courtship is the joyous, sunshine launching of
the craft. For instance, who will play the dominant and who will play the
submissive role? Or will a balance of power be established? How will the money
be managed? What frequency or pattern of lovemaking will be established? How
will quarrels be resolved? Whatever patterns are established at the beginning
of the marriage will likely continue for many years, and the way these patterns
develop can greatly influence the future of the marriage.”
If there is an appropriate time that professional,
religious, civic, and other interested parties can extend
help to married couples, the first year of marriage appears to be that time. I
was impressed to learn that the Lutheran Church in Kansas City, Missouri has
recently started a successful education program for newlyweds. Perhaps one is
needed in our area, sort of a “Marital Head Start” program.
Most married couples can remember their first year of
marriage. A few would prefer not to. But there seems to be a developmental
process we all encounter. And contemporary newlyweds ought not become unduly
discouraged during the first few months of their marriage. Just remember:
Crisis + Time = Humor.
If anyone else has comments on this topic, I’d like to hear
from you.
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