Resolutions for Marriage

Published December 30, 1981. During this time of year most of us review and recommit ourselves with various resolutions. Perhaps New Years is also an opportune time for a husband and wife to review their marriage and make appropriate resolutions to it and to each other.

In his book “More Joy in Your Marriage,” Dr. Herbert Otto lists 12 qualities commonly reported by many couples as their marital strengths. While no one couple would likely have all of the following, each married couple could probably identify with one or more.

Review the following dozen characteristics of marital strengths and see if any are, or could be, characteristics of your own marriage.

1. We observe certain traditions and rituals in our marriage by celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and other special occasions together.
2. We become involved in organizations at the local, state and national level that are identified with selected issues and concerns.
3. We foster curiosity and interest in each other by sharing such things as creative activities or reading materials. We also try new things together by initiating spontaneous and exciting endeavors.
4. We share recreational and educational pursuits by participating in fun games and sports. We also encourage each other in a variety of educational experiences.
5. We meet each other’s emotional needs by creating a sensitivity for warmth, affection, love and understanding. The presence of caring, trust, affection, affirmation and celebration greatly sustain our relationship.
6. We have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship and enjoy love-making together, thereby deriving mutual enhancement from physical intimacy.
7. We have and enjoy a network of friends and relatives whose presence we enjoy individually and together.
8. We openly communicate with each other by being honest when sharing our feelings and thoughts in a sensitive way.
9. We have and share a spiritual life together by seeking deep and meaningful spiritual experiences individually, as a couple, and collectively in a religious community.
10. We give frequent support to each other through mutual caring to help confront the many daily tasks, chores and other major responsibilities.
11. We have organizational efficiency as a couple which enables us to plan and carry out a variety of tasks and responsibilities.
12. We have role flexibility so husband and wife can assume some of each other’s responsibilities according to needs and circumstances. Such flexibility allows for change, growth and spontaneity.

If there are aspects of your own marriage that could be improved, perhaps both husband and wife could agree on one or more areas and work towards strengthening your marriage in the year ahead. It may be that you already enjoy the relationship you have. But then we need to remember the 4-H Motto: “To make the best better.”

It was John Steinbeck who wrote, “It is the nature of man as he grows older to protest against change, particularly change for the better.” Similarly, Mignon McLaughlin noted, “It’s the most unhappy people who most fear change.”

This column concludes the third year of writing “Meaningful Marriage” for the Deseret News. Susan and I extend our season’s greetings and hope that our marriage and yours will continue to be as meaningful as we care to make it.