It’s My Column - But the X’s Are Susan’s

Published January 17, 1982. Susan and I went to see a movie the other night. It was “Absence of Malice,” and we thoroughly enjoyed it. It has to do with newspaper reporters and how they can damage people with the things they write about them.

On the way home Susan commented, “Perhaps you would be more careful with what you write in your column, Brent.”

I responded, “I am careful. I seldom print names and never give away the identity in any way if something in my column is critical or negative about someone.”

As we got closer to home she said, “I wasn’t referring to what you write about other people. I am a bit concerned about what you write about us, and particularly me!”

Maybe Susan is right. Perhaps I do write too much about our own marriage. She continued as we got out of the car, “It seems every time we have some sort of discussion you act like Mike Wallace. Then I expect the 60 minutes News Team to rush in the door.”

I opened the door for her as we walked into the house. “And then I wonder if our whole discussion is going to end up in your Deseret News column on the following Thursday.”

We sat down on the couch, and I assured Susan that I really didn’t mean to cause ill feelings with what I write and honestly didn’t mean any harm. (I think I slipped and even said there was an absence of malice.)

Later that evening, I recalled something that one of my colleagues at Florida State University had recently written in his book “Marital Happiness.” Dr. David Knox noted that husbands and wives have to be careful about conveying confidences to others, particularly friends, family and relatives.

Over the weekend I did some more thinking. “I really don’t betray any marital confidences,” I said to myself. “Susan reads all of my columns before she mails them for me. She has her chance for input and crosses out anything she doesn’t want said.”

And to preserve my male ego, I assured myself, “But it is my column. And I should have the final say as to what gets printed and what comes out.”

That reminds me of the time Susan and I were living in Wisconsin. We were having a discussion about who had the ultimate say-so in our marriage. One day I said “xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx” And she replied, “xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.”

That was an important time for us in our relationship. And I sure am glad she agreed to let me have the final words.

We were with some friends last week and during the evening one of the men mentioned something I had written in a Deseret News column. He then turned to my wife and said, “You know, Susan, you have one of the most public marriages in Utah.” She smiled and replied, “I know, but we are working on that, aren’t we, Brent?” I headed for the punch bowl.

Go see “Absence of Malice.” Maybe it will also help you become more sensitive about what you say about others, particularly your husband or wife.

It was Jean Paul Richter who said, “A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another’s.” And that seems relevant for newspaper people.