Jason’s Role in the Family Is Central, Sometimes Hard

Published January 17, 1985. My wife was an only child and I only had two sisters, so she and I have concerns about the individual and collective well-being of our many children.

They seem to be holding their own in their own unique ways. Three are in their teens, and another will reach that difficult status this next year. Coming from the other end we have an eight-month-old son and four-year-old daughter.

Then there is our eight-year-old, Jason.

Jason is the one I’m particularly concerned about at the moment. The four older ones try to boss him around and the two younger ones seem to encroach on his personal time and space. I really don’t’ know if Jason feels he “fits in” to the family right now. He was baptized two months ago and seemed to bask in all that time and attention.

But his post-baptism perfection lasted about as long as it did with the other children . . . two or three weeks. And then things sort of settled back to normal.

Jason is naturally not as large physically as his older brothers and sister, but he seems to have learned to survive around them. The other night, Jason was in the family room watching television. Susan called from the kitchen and reminded him it was his turn to load the dishwasher. No major problem yet. He went to the kitchen to complete the task with little complaint. But as Jason got up, he also left his favorite TV chair.

Jason finished his job in about twenty minutes and returned to find 12-year-old Jon occupying “his” chair. Words began to fly.

Jon: “You left it when you went to load the dishwasher.”

Jason: “Yes, but I said ‘hold’ when I left which means I should get it back.”

Jon: “No, it’s mine now, you’ll have to sit on the floor.”

Jason: “Get out, it’s mine.”

The issue was eventually brought to old Solomon’s attention by Kristin, our four-year-old (who is also the self-appointed family informer). I told them to work it out or both would have to give up watching TV. (Doesn’t that sound like something Solomon would say?)

Jon still wouldn’t get out of the chair, so Jason said: “I know a way to get you out.”

Jason had regained his chair with no more argument and no physical confrontation.

All I can say to Jason is hang in there. You still belong in our family among all those brothers and sisters. Here is something that may help you remember you belong:

What Makxs a Family?

“Xvxn though our family typxwritxr is an old modxl, it works quitx wxll, xxcxpt for onx of thx kxys. I havx oftxn wishxd that it workxd pxrfxctly. It is trux that thxrx arx forty-six kxys that function wxll xnough, but just onx kxy is not working, and that makxs thx diffxrxncx.

Somxtimxs it sxxms that our family is somxwhat likx our typxwritxr—pxoplx don’t always work togxthxr.

You may say to yoursxf, “Wxll, I am only onx pxrson, I won’t makx or brxak our family.” But it doxs makx a diffxrxncx bxcausx a family, to bx xffxctivx, nxxds thx activx participation of xvxry mxmbxr.

So thx nxxt timx you think you arx only onx pxrson and that your xfforts arx not nxdxd, rxmxmbxr our family typxwritxr and say to yoursxlf, “I am a kxy pxrson in our family, and I am nxxdxd vxry much.”

By the way, Jason, nice throw with those boots.