Take the Time to Make Memories

Published September 29, 1983. Please understand. We love our children, as other parents love theirs. But for us, being parents to six children in this day and age is very demanding. It is like . . . how can I describe it . . . sort of like being nibbled to death by ducks.

It is necessary, therefore, for us to get away on occasion from the little nibblers. And that is exactly what we did last weekend. I was invited to speak to the Kalispell LDS Stake in Montana and arranged to take Susan along for the two-day trip. To tell you the truth, it was heavenly. The topic of my speech was “Why Good Marriages Fall.” One reason, I suggested, is that husbands and wives do not take periodic breaks away from their children. For just a short period of time in Montana we were able to do exactly that. Get away from the nibbling and quacking.

Not that we didn’t miss or think about our children while we were gone. We did have one major concern. A few days before we left we had purchased a new colorful coat for our youngest son, Jason. What is a 6-year-old like with a new coat? He was a little arrogant, to say the least, as he paraded around renewing former jealousies with the older children. Had we taught the Bible story too well?

We left with the fear that while we were gone, Jason would be bound, gagged, and sold to some party passing through the Provo-Orem area. Upon returning, however, we were relieved to find that all this had not happened. During our absence Jason had only been bound and gagged.

Some readers may recall that last May Susan and I got away on another occasion. We simply drove to Salt Lake, attended a concert at the Salt palace, and stayed in the Marriott Hotel overnight. I wrote about it in one of my columns and described looking out on the Salt Lake Temple late at night from our window on the 14^th floor. I commented in the article that temples and marriages, both things of lasting value, sometimes take a long time to build.

Perhaps by coincidence, I received a letter this past week on this very topic from Viola Stout of Salt Lake City. In her letter dated Sept. 22 she wrote:

Dear Dr. Barlow:

I re-read your article of May 19, 1983 again this morning for the ‘umteenth’ time and appreciate it more each reading. I also appreciate your description of the all-too-real trauma parents experience as they leave the children at home for a few days, so they can work on the often-neglected admonition for married partners to ‘become one.’

Many marriages could be saved by parents leaving their children once in a while and cleaving unto each other. Young women, particularly, may enter marriage with the romantic idea that they will ‘live happily every after.’ They do not realized, however, that this is a challenge rather than a promise.

I also appreciate your comments on your night view of that masterpiece of achievements, our Salt Lake Temple. I have been going to that inspiring place nearly every week for 60 years. During the past 18 years I have been a temple worker.

Thank you, Dr. Barlow, you have again made my day. Perhaps I should explain in closing that I have been alone now for 21 years. The sweetest memories of my husband were our times together, alone, which we were privileged to enjoy ‘as one.

Sincerely, Viola Stout

Death may take away a loved one, but it can never take away the pleasant memories which Viola obviously has to enjoy. And she reminds us in a loving way that we should take time to make some pleasant memories, while we are both still living.

Later, at least for a period of time, that is all we will have.