Kristin’s Last Valentine

Published March 1, 1984. It was the night before Valentine’s Day, and Kris, our 3 ½ year-old, had not yet made out her valentines. It was getting late, and Kris came to me (in her pajamas) with an armful of valentines, envelopes and an assortment of Magic Marker pens. This was her first year to give valentines, and she was excited.

Kris asked me to help her write names on her valentines. I gave her a dozen excuses why I couldn’t help at that particular time. She accepted none of them, so at 9:30 p.m. dad and daughter began addressing valentines.

My little daughter told me she wanted to send a valentine to everyone she loved. She began naming individuals, and I began writing. We made one out to Grandma Day in American Fork and one to Grandpa Barlow, who lives next door. And we made one out to “The Family.” Then she began to name friends on our street. We made valentines for Jon-Paul, Carly, Rhett, Heather, Elisha, Kecia, Lindsay, and Justin to name a few.

Finally Kris couldn’t think of anymore friends to send valentines to, and that was good. We had only one valentine left.

“What do you want to do with this last valentine, Kris?” I asked.

“There is one more person I love I want to send it to,” she replied. So I picked up the Magic Marker and the last valentine.

“Who is that person?” I inquired.

“Me,” she replied quickly. “I love me and want to send me a valentine.”

I paused and debated for a moment. Should I tell my 3 ½ year-old daughter you are not supposed to send yourself a valentine? Kris sensed my hesitancy so I figured what-the-heck, Why not send yourself a valentine?

I took the last valentine and wrote in big letters, “To Kristin Elizabeth Barlow.” “From Kristin Elizabeth Barlow.” She put it in an envelope; somehow got the edges licked and sealed, and then put it with the others in a pile. She gave me a kiss and went to bed.

Self-love or self-esteem is currently a popular topic. There are seminars, lectures, tapes, and many magazine articles on it. I have even written a chapter or two on the topic in books I have written. But in those few minutes that evening I learned a great deal on self-love from a little girl.

Kris, you see, is a very loving person. And one reason she is loving is because she genuinely loves herself.

It is not that she doesn’t have her mood swings. She does. She cries on occasion like any other little child. Her four older brothers sometimes unknowingly attack her self-love but with little result. They tease her about being small and about being a girl. But the way she keeps all four brothers at a distance with our Kmart plastic ball bat is more than symbolic. Kris is not only protecting her person. She is also protecting her integrity and self-worth. And she is apparently doing well at it.

Many suggest we now live in what is rapidly becoming a loveless world. Part of the reason for that, if it is indeed true, may be because too many of us think ill of ourselves. We constantly doubt our own worth and capabilities. And we would never think of sending ourselves a valentine. Because we do not love ourselves very much, it is difficult to think highly of or love others.

There are many definitions of love. I now appreciate more so the one by psychiatrist Harry Stack Sullivan. He said, “When my desire for the health and well-being of another person becomes equal to my desire for my own health and well-being, then the state of love exists.” But then the thought is not original with him. Years ago, Jesus taught: “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” (Mark 12:31).

I would that we could all become as a three-year-old again. And send ourselves a valentine.