Raise Teenagers Like Asparagus

Published April 26, 1984. Writing this column has had some unusual consequences. I was speaking to a group in Logan a few months ago. Afterward, a woman came up and said, “Are you that Barlow fellow who writes in the Deseret News?” I replied that I was.

“You look much different in person,” she commented. “You look so short in your column picture.” I tried to explain that the picture was just a headshot, but that didn’t seem to matter. She was amazed I was over five feet tall.

Not long after that I was speaking to a group at Aspen Grove in Provo Canyon. After the speech I was standing outside the building, and a woman walked toward me.

“Are you the Dr. Barlow who writes the newspaper column?” Again, I replied that I was.

“I’m going to ask you a question, and you’ll have to answer it in two minutes because my ride will be leaving.” I was apprehensive not only about the question but also having to answer it in two minutes or less. (University professors have a difficult time doing that.)

“I have a teenage son and am having a difficult time as his mother. What would you suggest?” She glanced at her watch as if it were the signal to begin my two-minute commentary.

I didn’t know where to begin so I started out, “You rear teenagers like you grow asparagus.”

“Asparagus!” she exclaimed. “Are you really the Dr. Barlow who writes for the Desert News?”

At this point I didn’t know whether to deny it or continue. But I went on with a minute-and-a-half remaining.

“Have you ever grown asparagus?” I asked. She indicated she had not.

“How about radishes?” I inquired. She said she had, many times.

Most parents of teenagers are radish raisers, I suggested. “We want to see the immediate results of our efforts. If you plant a radish you will see the little plant in seven to 10 days. Your watering and weeding paid off.”

She glanced again at her watch. About a minute remained so I hurried on. “Growing asparagus takes more patience and effort. You plant it, then water and weed. You continue this nurturing process for as many as three years before there are any noticeable results. During all this time you are not really sure your efforts are going to make any difference. Three years is a long time to wait. Consequently, some parents become discouraged and may want to quit and give up even while the growth process is under way.”

Thirty seconds left. “After three years you see the new asparagus plants. Then some remarkable things happen. Your asparagus plants produce a crop for seven to 10 years. People have even told me that they reap asparagus after 12 years or more. And the growth is phenomenal. One gardener informed me that under certain circumstances asparagus can grow as much as one inch overnight.

The mother picked up her small suitcase as her car approached. “So you are saying don’t give up on my son. The growth process is under way.”

“Exactly,” I replied as my two minutes ended.

“Continue the watering and the weeding,” she said as I opened the car door for her.

“Yes,” I answered. “Most parents do better than they think they do. Ninety-eight percent of teenagers turn into mature adults. It just takes time, nurture, and patience.”

“Asparagus, not radishes,” she repeated as they drove off.

And thus ended my two-minute oration of rearing teenagers.