Rabbit Cage or Romantic Moment? Sometimes You Have to Make Choice

Published August 9, 1990. I don’t know about you, but I am ready for fall. The heat seems to take its toll in more ways than one. Weather affects relationships, and when people are physically uncomfortable, we seem to relate less well to each other.

When the heat first came during the last week of June and the first week of July, I noticed a little more tension in our family. The children seemed more irritated with each other than usual. It was during the second week of the heat wave that they began making out lists of what they didn’t like about each other. As the heat wave continued, the lists grew longer. I anticipate that a few items will be stricken from the lists as the cooler weather approaches and school begins.

During the summer, Susan and I found ourselves doing many of the things that parents usually do with children. But we reached the point where we realized that about all we were doing were things for the family. Where did our marriage fit into all this effort?

Activities that build parent/child relationships do not always build the marriage. At some point, husbands and wives have to do things together without the children. A week or so ago, Susan and I decided that we would do just that. We agreed that the following Saturday evening would be set aside for us. We would go out to dinner and take in one of the new movies. Our evening for romance was all planned.

About 4 o’clock Saturday afternoon, Kris, our 10-year-old daughter, reminded me that she needed a new rabbit cage. We had given her a rabbit for her birthday a few weeks earlier when it was little and cute. Now it was big and cute and needed a cage outdoors, since its box inside was too little. Kris reminded me that I had promised to have her new rabbit cage built by Saturday. It was now Saturday and still no rabbit cage.

I have learned how important a promise is to a child. That is why I try to be careful when I make them. A promise is a promise, and children are delighted when promises are completed. It is a test to see if adults will really do what they promise to do. So late Saturday afternoon I tried to fulfill my promise to build the rabbit cage. We jumped in the car and drove down to the lumberyard for the building materials. Surely, I thought, I could build a rabbit cage in an hour or two and still be ready for the evening with Susan. So I thought.

Kris stood by helping and watching Dad trying to construct the rabbit cage. She also knew that her parents had an evening planned together and was afraid that the rabbit cage would have to wait . . . again. About 6 p.m. I realized I had an important decision to make. It was going to be either a rabbit cage for my daughter or an evening out with my wife. I had to choose. It couldn’t be both. I explained the situation to Susan who understood my dilemma. She said the restaurants and movies would likely be open next week, so we postponed our evening while I finished the rabbit project way late into the evening. I repeat for emphasis . . . way late . . . but Kris finally had her rabbit cage. By Saturday.

Family activities and marital relationships don’t always have to compete with each other. But they often do. It takes a balance of activities to keep both the marriage and the family functioning. I’m glad I kept my promise to Kris and built the pen for her rabbit. It could have waited another day or two. But a promise is a promise.

Kris and I are both proud of what we now call her “rabbit condo.” But as we finished the project late that night, I said to myself. “This week it’s rabbit cages; next week it’s romance!”