Overcoming Tendency to ‘Horribilize’

Published January 31, 1985. Do you “horribilize” in your marriage? Most of us do, and by so doing we place unnecessary tensions and burdens on our relationships. What is horribilizing? Simply put, it is making a difficult or bad situation worse by irrational thought.

You recall the story of the traveling salesman who had a flat tire one night in the country. He got out of his car to change the tire only to discover he had left his jack at home. The salesman saw a farmhouse in the distance and decided to borrow a jack from the farmer.

While he was walking to the farmhouse he began thinking. “It is late at night, and the farmer will probably think I’m really stupid traveling without a jack in my car.” As he approached the farmhouse he muttered to himself, “The farmer is probably stingy and won’t loan me a jack even for a few minutes.”

With that in mind he knocked on the door, a light came on in the kitchen and the farmer in pajamas opened the door. As he did the salesman reached in, punched the farmer in the mouth and said, “Keep your blankety-blank jack!!”

The salesman may not have known it, but he was a horribilizer. Through irrational thought he made a difficult or bad situation worse, both for him and the unsuspecting farmer. Psychologist Albert Ellis states, “To horribilize is to translate the undeniable fact that it is disappointing not to have things go your way into the idea that it is awful, terrible and horrible that things are not different. Once you have convinced yourself that some situation is unfair, unbearable, and intolerable, you are all set up for depression, headaches, ulcers, and other symptoms of anxiety and tension. Being a horribilizer is not very rewarding . . .”

Susan and I found this out not long ago when we faced a very difficult day. We knew it was coming just by the list of things we had to do. Our children had to be taken places, people were coming to do some last minute touch-ups on our new home, and two of our children were ill. Everything would have to fit into a tight schedule. Everyone would have to meet their obligations on time, with no margin for error.

The day arrived. I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and groaned, “It’s here. The day has begun!” I moaned and rolled over in bed. “Nothing will probably go right. It will just be one of those days.”

Susan was now awake. “You’re probably right,” she said. “Today is going to be exhausting. The repairmen will probably be late and I won’t get to my appointment on time.” She paused and then asked, “Have you checked with the children to see if they are any better?”

“No,” I replied, “they’re probably worse. That will complicate the day even more.”

“I just don’t know how we are going to make it,” Susan commented as she went to shower. I lay in bed trying to figure out how we would survive.

By 6:30 a.m. we were both dressed . . . and fatigued. And the day hadn’t even begun. We continued to commiserate in our woes for a few more minutes. Then we stopped.

“Do you know what we are doing right now?” I asked.

“No, what?” she responded.

“We’re horribilizing,” I said.

“We’re what?” she asked as she finished her make-up.

“We are making a difficult day worse. The day hasn’t even begun, and here we are nearly out of energy.”

We then reviewed our past hour, our conversation, our hovering over our perceived problems for the day, and then we began to laugh. Yes, we did have a busy and hectic day ahead. But by allowing our thoughts, attention, and conversation to wander aimlessly and dwell upon our troubles, we had made our day infinitely worse than it might have been.

Our day was hectic, to say the least. But it was much less so than if we had continued to horribilize as the events occurred.

Remember the salesman, the farmer, and the jack the next time you begin to horribilize. Bad situations are often made worse by irrational and uncontrolled thinking.