If You Would Be in Love, Study Topic of Love

Published November 7, 1985. Love is an important element of marriage in the United States. The vast majority of us will not marry until we believe we are “in love”. In addition, most of us will not stay married if we feel that love is no longer a part of our relationship. But as important as love is, it has not been studied seriously from a scientific perspective.

Abraham Maslow once observed. “It is amazing how little the imperial sciences have to offer on the subject of love. Particularly strange is the silence of the psychologists. Sometimes it is merely sad or irritating as in the case of the textbooks of psychology and sociology particularly none of which recognizes the subject.”

The noted Harvard sociologist Pitirim Sorokin similarly noted in his book “The Ways and Power of Love” that scientists have avoided the topic of love. He wrote “The sensate minds emphatically disbelieve in the power of love. It appears to us something illusionary. We call it self-deception, the opiate of people’s minds, idealistic bash, unscientific delusion. We are biased against all theories that try to prove the power of love and other positive forces in determining human behavior and personality.”

Perhaps more than any other person in our time, Leo Buscaglia, professor of education at the University of Southern California, has advocated that we give more thought and attention to the serious study of love. In his book simply titled “Love,” first published in 1972, Buscaglia wrote, “If man desired to know about automobiles, we would, without question, study diligently about automobiles. If his wife desired to be a gourmet cook, she’d certainly study the art of cooking, perhaps even attend a cooking class. Yet, it never seems as obvious to him that if he wants to live in love, he must spend at least as much time as the auto mechanic or the gourmet in studying love. No mechanic or cook would ever believe that by willing the knowledge in his field, he’s ever become an expert in it.

Leo Buscaglia then gives what he calls his foundation for the study of love.

 One cannot give what he does not possess.

To give love you must possess love.

One cannot teach what he does not understand.

To teach love you must comprehend love.

One cannot know what he does not study.

To study love you must live in love.

One cannot appreciate what he does not recognize.

To recognize love you must be receptive to love.

One cannot carry doubt about that which he wishes to trust.

To trust love you must be convinced of love.

One cannot admit what he does not yield to.

To yield to love you must be vulnerable to love.

One cannot live what he does not dedicate himself to.

To dedicate yourself to love you must be forever growing in love.

In conclusion, it was Herbert Otto who wrote, “We are all functioning at a small fraction of our capacity to live fully in its total meaning of loving, caring, creating and adventuring. Consequently, the actualizing of our potential can become the most exciting adventure of our lifetime.”