Stress and the Healthy Family

Published December 5, 1985. There is a new book I would highly recommend. It is titled “Stress and the Healthy Family,” written by Delores Curran and published by Winston Press. Delores was interested not only in the types of stress that families face today, but also how healthy families deal with stress. First the types.

The author interviewed several hundred families, and her first major finding was that husbands and wives do not always agree on the types of stress they experience. What is stressful for one is not always stressful for the other.

For instance, wives reported their top stresses were (in rank order)

1. Economics, finances, budgeting.
2. Lack of shared responsibility in the family.
3. Insufficient couple time.
4. Children’s behavior and discipline, sibling fighting.
5. Housekeeping standards.
6. Insufficient “me” time.
7. Guilt for not accomplishing more.
8. Insufficient family playtime.
9. Spousal relationship (communication, friendship, sex).
10. Self-image and self-esteem, feelings of unattractiveness.

Husbands, on the other hand, found the following (again, in rank order) to be stressful.

1. Economics/finances/budgeting.
2. Insufficient couple time.
3. Communicating with children.
4. Child discipline.
5. Spouse relationship.
6. Overscheduled family calendar.
7. Insufficient “me” time.
8. Unhappiness with work situation.
9. Insufficient family playtime.
10. Television.

You will note that husbands found television (#10) to be stressful while it was not on the wives’ list. The reason? According to Delores, husbands watched more television but the attempts were often thwarted by wives.

It might also be observed, however, the money matters were listed number one by both husbands and wives as a source of stress.

Regarding money matters, Delores found that a healthy family differs from others in that (1) they are able to talk about money, (2) they do not link self-esteem with earning power, (3) they develop money-management skills, and (4) they teach their children about money.

Overall, healthy families also have a different perspective about the role of stress in contemporary living. Healthy families tend to recognize that stress is temporary, maybe even positive. They work together on solutions to minimize the stress, which strengthens family skills. Healthy families develop new rules, such as prioritizing time and sharing responsibilities. They also expect some stress as a normal part of family life without considering themselves failures. And finally, they feel good about themselves for dealing effectively with new types of stress when it occurs.

Unhealthy families on the other hand, feel guilty for permitting stress to exist. In addition, they look for a place to lay blame rather than seeking a solution to the problem. Unhealthy families give in to stress and give up trying to master it. Likewise, they focus on family problems rather than family strengths. Such families feel weaker rather than stronger after experiencing normal stress. Consequently, they grow to dislike family life as a result of stress buildup.

If you would like an insight into contemporary stress and how healthy families are dealing with it, read “Stress and the Healthy Family” by Delores Curran. It should now be available at most local bookstores.