Stresses Often Differ for Wives and Husbands

Published July 5, 1990. Does life seem sort of hectic lately? If so, you’re not alone. What are all the stresses and strains that are taking such heavy tolls on contemporary society? A few years ago, writer and researcher Dolores Curran surveyed more than 600 people to find out. In her book “Stress and the Healthy Family,” she reported the following were their top stresses, in order of their priority:

STRESSES FOR WIVES

1. Economics, finances, budgeting.
2. Lack of shared responsibility in the family.
3. Insufficient couple time.
4. Children’s behavior and discipline, sibling fighting.
5. Housekeeping standards.
6. Insufficient “me” time.
7. Guilt for not accomplishing more.
8. Insufficient family playtime.
9. Spousal relationship (communication, friendship, sex).
10. Self-image and self-esteem, feelings of unattractiveness.

STRESSES FOR HUSBANDS

1. Economics, finances, budgeting.
2. Insufficient couple time.
3. Communicating with children.
4. Children’s behavior and discipline, sibling fighting.
5. Spousal relationship (communication, friendship, sex).
6. Over-scheduled family calendar.
7. Insufficient “me” time.
8. Unhappiness with work situation.
9.  Insufficient family playtime.
10. Television (wanted to watch it more).

Dolores Curran’s research findings are fascinating. Perhaps being involved in too many things or projects with the subsequent fatigue and exhaustion that follows are indeed, a major factor in marital disruption today.

It is also interesting to note in “Stress and the Healthy Family” that the stresses for wives are not always the same as the stresses for husbands. A husband and wife may live in the same house, share the same marriage, the same children, and the same daily routines and yet experience all of them quite differently. Curran’s advice for husbands and wives to become aware of each other’s concerns and problems is well-founded.

The married couples who bear stresses well, according to Curran, do the following:

1. The healthy couple views stress as a normal part of family life.
2. The healthy couple shares feelings as well as words.
3. The healthy couple develops conflict-resolution skills and creative coping skills.
4. The healthy couple makes use of support people and systems.
5. The healthy couple is adaptable.

Would we choose a stress-free life if possible? I doubt it. Hans Seye, the Canadian scientist, noted that too little stress in life is as bad as too much. (How long do you actually enjoy a hassle-free vacation before you “have to get home or back to work”?)

Life seems to be stressful no matter which way we turn. So let’s select wisely and carefully those difficult tasks and situations we choose to encounter in life. Then, let us manage them to the best of our ability.