Striking a Balance: Money Isn’t Everything

Published April 16, 1987. Somehow I wish we could strike a balance. For some time we have been hearing that money can’t buy happiness. In addition, there is the Bible quote that the love of money is the root of all evil (1^st Timothy 6:10).

During the past few years there has been something of a backlash against the philosophy that money is evil. People are aware that money does not create happiness. But we also learned that neither does poverty.

Many of the things that do contribute to happiness are attained through having access to an adequate source of money. Health, a comfortable home, education, adequate food and clothing, recreation, and travel all are attained through the exchange of money. It is true that we cannot live by bread alone. But some bread is necessary. No success in family devotionals can compensate for the failure to provide food.

So much for the plus side of money. Some is needed to attain a reasonable degree of happiness. But can we go to the other extreme? Is more always better?

During the years I have been marriage counseling I have talked to many wives who are married to successful and wealthy husbands. But the men pay a price (no play on words intended) for it.

They pay in the long hours they spend at work, often 70, 80, 100, or more a week. For some there is also business travel, and when they are home they really aren’t.

They bring work home from the office or business, and they continue the labor that brings them material wealth.

Another price is the impact on their marriage and family. While they often say they are “doing it for the wife and children,” they really aren’t. They are addicted to the acquisition of material wealth, possessions, and money. And the addiction is just as real as it is with drugs, alcohol, or gambling.

As I counsel with these wives I often ask them what it is they want most often in their marriage. Almost always – bottom line – it is less money and more husband, These women have enough money (and even more than they want) to fill their daily needs. But the one thing they lack in life is a relationship with their husband, who is experiencing an affair of sorts with his work.

Psychotherapist Anthony DeLuca in New York recently noted, “It is obvious from what we know of rich people that huge sums of money cannot bring happiness. Having money creates a high level of anxiety about sustaining a high income level. High earners are frantic, can’t sleep, and have ulcers from the fear that their work may crash tomorrow.”

On a similar note, Dr. Andrew Fuller, professor at the College of Staten Island in New York, observes. “The obsession with gathering enormous wealth is actually a disorder. The psychological roots of this type of motivation stem from feelings of inadequacy and loneliness.”

He continues, “The reason the rat race of keeping up with the Joneses is so dissatisfying is because you’re doing it for everyone else, without giving any thought to whether these possessions are truly important.”

If large amounts of money do not necessarily make people happy, what does? According to the two authorities, happiness usually comes from things that money, by itself, cannot buy: Marriage, family, friends, creativity, and a job well done.

Notes Dr. Fuller, “There’s a terrible depletion in people today, and the old ways of restoring oneself through family, church, and community have almost faded away and been lost.”

As noted, I wish we could all strike a balance in our attitudes, actions, and philosophies about money. Some money obviously is necessary for happiness in life. But a lot of it is no guarantee. Maybe the love of money is not the root of all evil in the world. But according to two New York experts, it apparently is a major contributing cause.