Parents Still Need to Use Brakes as Kids Step on Gas

Published May 17, 1990. A few weeks ago I was driving on one of the back roads in Utah County with my son, Jason, who soon will be 14. While the two of us were driving along enjoying the countryside, he asked me a predictable question.

He wanted to know if he could drive the car.

I informed Jason that he was not old enough to drive, but he assured me that all the fathers of the boys his age had let them drive the family car. I questioned his logic but admired his sincerity.

Jason persisted with his request so I asked him if he would like to steer the car.

No, he wanted to drive it. Most of all he wanted to push the gas pedal. I offered to let him steer the car and push the gas pedal while I maintained the brake. He finally agreed.

Don’t ask me how we managed that in the front seat, but we did. Jason was wide-eyed and grinning while he steered the family Oldsmobile down the back roads and operated the gas pedal. I was sober and grim while I kept my foot on the brake.

We drove that way for a mile or two while my emerging teenager got the feel of driving a car. After regaining control of the car, I thought the whole incident was somewhat symbolic of being a contemporary parent. Kids want to proceed full-throttle ahead in life with more concern for speed than direction. And it often falls the lot of parents to apply the brakes in their lives and either say “no” or “not yet.” It is not one of the more pleasant parts of being a parent, but an essential one at that.

After we returned home later than afternoon, I recalled an experience with my father Alvin Barlow when I was a boy. We lived in Centerfield, Sanpete County, and my dad would deliver gasoline to the farmers in Gunnison Valley. One afternoon, when I was about 9, he had to make a delivery to a farmer in Axtell. I went with him that afternoon, as I had done on several other occasions.

After delivering the gasoline, I asked my dad if we could go over to the spillway on the Sevier River, which was nearby. He said he had a little time and agreed. The spillway was sort of a modified dam that backed up the water and then let it run over the dam and drop down some 12 to 15 feet. I liked to go to the spillway and look for the huge carp that often swam nearby.

When Dad and I arrived at the spillway, we found a footbridge that was about 2 feet wide and spanned the Sevier River right over the flushing water of the spillway below. I remember wanting to cross over to the other side of the river, but I didn’t dare tell my dad that I was afraid to cross the narrow bridge . . . alone. He asked if he should go first and hold my hand. My pride would not allow that. So finally I said, “Dad, I’ll go first, but you hold on tight.”

So there we were. An adventurous 9-year-old crossing a narrow bridge over a scary river with my dad holding tight to the traps on my bib-overalls.

Those two incidents as both a father and son illustrate much of what parenting is all about. Children like to venture forth in life but need the protecting hand of a parent as they begin. For a few years parents are needed to apply the brakes while children are pressing on the gas pedal. Just for a while, parents need to hold on to the bib-overall straps while children get their balance in life. All too soon children will be on their own and in charge of their own steering wheel, gas pedal . . . and brakes.

And then the parents are gone.