Parents Should Learn Importance of Caring for Themselves First

Published April 23, 1987. A few weeks ago Susan and I had the opportunity to travel to Hawaii where I gave a series of speeches on marriage and family life. We were on five of the eight islands: Hawaii, Molokai, Maui, Kaui and Oahu. During the 10-day period we flew from island to island on several different planes.

Each time we boarded one, the flight attendant explained what to do in the case of an emergency. It seemed routine at first, but one part of the instructions particularly caught my attention.

We were told that during an in flight emergency, a yellow oxygen mask would automatically drop down over each seat. We were repeatedly shown how the oxygen masks were to be put on if needed. Then the flight attendant made what at first seemed like an unusual statement regarding them:

“If any of you are traveling with young children, make sure you take care of yourself first.”

I mentioned to Susan it was an interesting admonition. During a crisis parents would likely think first of their young ones and would almost automatically want to take care of their needs. They probably would attend to the safety of their children before seeking their own well-being.

But the longer we discussed the “Take-care-of-yourself-first” advice, the more sense it made. During an emergency in an airplane, a parent would be next to useless to a young child if he or she ran out of oxygen. By taking care of his or her own needs first, the parent would be in a better position to care for and render assistance to the younger ones.

There seems to be a message there for parents of all ages, regardless of whether or not we are flying on an airplane: “Take care of yourself first.” I believe parents, and particularly mothers, can become so preoccupied with caring for their young ones that they neglect their own needs. By so doing, they jeopardize not only their own physical and emotional health but also that of their children.

Common sense would dictate the necessity of parents taking adequate care of themselves. We do so not only because we will be better care givers, but because adequate care and attention to mental and physical health is basic to a life well-lived. This is true regardless of whether or not an individual is married or a parent.

Young mothers are sometimes so overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for children that they neglect their own needs. They, to, would benefit from the sound advice of contemporary airline flight attendants: “Take care of yourself first if you have young children.”

The more Susan and I talked about the insight, the more important and practical it became. To us, parenthood often seems to be one minor emergency after the other. It is sometimes like being nibbled to death by little ducks. So we agreed to heed the advice.

That was one reason we were alone together in Hawaii. We needed the break and enjoyed the relaxation for a few days.

Having done so, we were able to tend to our children (our little ducks) in a more caring and loving way on our return.

It seems that everyone benefits in a family when parents attend to their own needs first. Only then do we have the strength and resources – the oxygen, if you will – necessary to care for others.