We also hear alarming statistics
regarding marriage and the family, but one statistic disclosed by the 1977
Census largely goes unnoticed. According to the national survey, people
involved in “experimental” marriages comprise only 4 percent of the population.
Perhaps we are still more traditional than we think.
After a detailed review of contemporary marriage in America.
Dr. Carlfred Broderick, noted marriage therapist from the University of
Southern California, observed in his book “Marriage and the Family” that
“Marriage today is not so different from the past as one might imagine,
although there have been some important changes, such as the increase in
divorce and remarriage.”
To document his claim, Dr. Broderick reported that the overwhelming
majority (93 percent) of Americans marry, “and for most people being married
means having children.” Noting the birth rates and infant mortality trends
Broderick indicated:
“. . . Young couples are less likely to be childless (today)
than couples of either their parents’ or their grandparents’ generation.” Even
though some 40 percent of those who marry at the present time will terminate
the relationship by divorce, Dr. Broderick also reminds us that 80
percent will remarry within two to three years.
Evidence that we have not abandoned our traditional views on
marriage, which is one man legally married to one woman with the anticipation
of having children, was recently reported in “The Journal of Psychology.” The
research indicated that “forsaking all others” for marriage is still a popular
position despite all the alternative lifestyles available. About 70 percent of
the college students surveyed indicated they believed that traditional marriage
and family would be most fulfilling, 22 percent stated they were uncertain, and
only 8 percent said they were sure there was a better way for two people to
live in a relationship.
We have heard a great deal recently about open marriage
where the emphasis is on the freedom of each spouse to have separate as well as
joint sectors in their lives. Dr. Broderick also notes:
“Over the years I have watched couples try a wide variety of
“open” approaches to their marriages. I guess I have finally concluded that
open marriage is like a highly advertised fad diet. It promises renewed
vitality and boundless energy by providing several times the minimum daily
requirements of freedom, variety and growth. As with such promotions, books are
written, testimonials collected, movements launched, and regular meetings of
the true believers set up.”
Dr. Broderick continues: “Bedazzled customers are assured that if they still feel
empty after using the prescribed diet, it is their own fault. They have not
followed the instructions, their attitude has been wrong, their own metabolism
is deficient. But as pain multiplies and resentment fails to yield to rhetoric,
it finally becomes apparent that the much-advertised super nutrient is lacking
in essential vitamins.”
He then concludes: “It seems clear to me that while freedom, variety, and growth
are essential ingredients in the human diet, so also are safety, trust and
stability. People have known this for generations, but sometimes they get
excited about the new product and forget.”
A few years ago, while I was teaching at Southern Illinois
University, a colleague, Dr. Jacquie Eddleman, coined the phrase Plain Vanilla
marriage. Her definition of “plain vanilla” was traditional marriage which
seems to lack the excitement and apparent attractiveness of other marital lifestyles.
But, according to Dr. Eddleman, “Plain Vanilla” marriage has
proven to be the most reliable and most sought-after marital type in the United
States. Even among those few who seek non-traditional marriages, the
majority eventually return back to what has been called “straight marriage.”
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