Picture Perfect Marriages

Published November 18, 1982. He was a handsome young man and appeared to be very intelligent. And he was concerned. He told me that after nearly 30 years of marriage, his parents are getting a divorce.

As we sat in my office that morning he reflected, “It is one thing to get a divorce after several years of struggling with a bad relationship. But,” he continued, “my parents had a picture-perfect marriage all the years I was growing up. We had a large family, a hardworking father, a sensitive, concerned mother, and all of us regularly participated in church activities. How could a divorce happen?” he asked.

I’ve had that kind of conversation more than once during the past few years. Young men and women who are just transitioning to married life find their parents transitioning out of it. The separations occur after what appeared to be ideal marital relationships. And the question is asked time and time again.

I told the young man that I did not know the reasons why picture-perfect marriages sometimes come unframed. But I am starting to form some opinions. And my opinions are centered around the picture-perfect marriage concept. Many believe, or are misled to believe, that they do have ideal marital relationships. Since they now have it, they may think they don’t have to do anything to keep it. And that just may make the difference.

A man sent me a letter a few months ago. He had been married several years and thought he, too, had the picture-perfect marriage. During 12 years of marriage and several children, his wife had not said one thing that indicated their marriage was anything less than near perfection. There had been no arguments, no complaints, no differences of opinion that even insinuated anything was wrong. And because of this, he thought the marriage was going well. Then, on their 12^th wedding anniversary, she walked in the room and handed him an envelope. Thinking it was an anniversary card, he opened it. Much to his surprise, it was the legal papers for divorce proceedings.

The man mentioned in his letter that the reason he and his wife, and perhaps many others, divorce is because they don’t think it can happen to them. Consequently, they let their guard down, or don’t keep it up, however you want to say it, and the blows follow.

During the past few weeks I have participated in several Marriage Education Seminars throughout the state. It was refreshing to meet with numerous couples who are deeply committed to marriage. During these seminars, however, I did not find picture-perfect marriages. What I did find were couples of all ages who deeply love each other and are consequently willing to struggle together with day-to-day events necessary to keep a good marriage functioning.

Someone once observed that it is better to have a heart attack and then learn to take care of your health than to live on in the ignorance that you have heart problems. So it is with marriage. Working to improve a somewhat less-than-perfect marriage may be far more sound than living under the illusion that we have the ideal marital relationship. As such, we believe we don’t have to do a thing about it as the years pass by.

After my student left that morning, I wondered for some time how it is that really good marriages do often end in divorce. And that is after no one, including the husband and wife, believes it can or will happen. Then I remembered a biblical verse that may be relevant. It says that in the last days, if it were possible, even the very elect will be deceived (Matthew 24:24).