The Myths of Sexuality and Old Age

Published August 2, 1979. An undergraduate class at Brandeis University was asked to complete the following: “Sex for the most old people is ________.” What would you have written if given the same assignment?

Perhaps your answers are similar to those of the Brandeis students who stated that sex for most old people is “unimportant,” “past,” “negligible,” “non-existent,” etc. If these were like your answers, then you too may believe that sex is not important in the life of elderly people in the United States.

Sexual functioning depends to a great extent on one’s attitudes and beliefs, and for many people the expectation that sex is non-existent in the later years of married life may, in actuality, become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Others who reach the age of 65 and find that they still have strong sexual desires may be overcome with guilt and erroneously believe they are “oversexed.”

Sexuality for the elderly is not a recent invention. It has existed in all individuals of this age who have been studied. Sexuality is not just manifested in the ability to have intercourse; for many it expresses itself only in the need for continued closeness, affection, intimacy, and for others, a continuation of some romance in life.

With our recent acquisition of knowledge about human behavior we have become aware of several needs in our contemporary society. There is a need for us to recognize the normalcy of sex in the later years. Another need is to clear away the obstacles in people’s minds which prevent the expression of affection and intimacy in the later years of married life.

In his book “Sexual Life After Sixty,” Dr. Isadore Rubin lists some of the prevalent myths many people, including some of the elderly, have about sexuality in the later years of life. Three of those myths are (a) the vital fluids myth, (b) the menopause myth, and (c) the hysterectomy myth.

The vital fluids myth, according to Dr. Rubin, is the belief that sex weakens an individual since semen is deemed to be one of the vital and essential fluids of the body. “It is a major self-defeating myth,” the author notes, “which discourages sexuality in the older years.” The corollary of this belief is that if one abstains from sexual interaction during the later years of life and thereby retains this vital bodily fluid, the catastrophe of old age will be avoided and life thereby prolonged. Even more specific, according to Dr. Rubin, is the common belief that each drop emitted is equal to the loss of 40 drops of blood. “Such myths die very hard,” he noted, “particularly if they are constantly repeated by what often seems to be scientific sources.”

Still another major misconception is the belief that menopause in a woman means the termination of her sexuality. This is particularly true when reproduction is thought to be the only purpose of sex. If a woman is no longer capable of having children, then there is presumably no longer a need in the minds of many to engage in sexual interaction.

Dr. Rubin reported that as late as 1931 one medical authority defined menopause as “that time in a woman’s life at which her sexual activities come to their natural termination,” asserting that “The cessation of the monthly recurring menstrual flow indicates that the termination of sexual activity has arrived.” The same medical doctor could not account, however, for the common-sense observation that the sexual desire not only continues in many women after menopause, but for some actually increases.

A third major myth has to do with a hysterectomy, a partial or complete removal of the uterus. A hysterectomy does not create any physical inability which would prevent either the husband or wife from attaining sexual satisfaction, except in very rare cases. What a hysterectomy might change, according to Dr. Rubin, is the husband’s or wife’s mental attitude and their expectations of what will now happen in their sexual relationship. Unfortunately, mental changes can be as effective as physical changes in ending sexual fulfillment.

Enough studies have been conducted to lay aside the myths about menopause and hysterectomies. If sex life deteriorates seriously after either of these two events, however, the cause should be sought not so much in the physical, but in the psychological aspect of the couple’s relationship.

The sexual relationship today is more and more being recognized as a rich and vital aspect of human relationships. It is another language by which couples share deep intimacies. The importance of sex has been recognized for younger married couples, but it has certainly not yet been widely advocated for older married people. Preoccupation with the security needs of the aged has led most people to overlook their sexual needs altogether. Not until recently have we been made aware of the importance of sexuality to the psychological well-being of older married persons in our society as well as the young.

There is little doubt that the sex lives of elderly married couples can be far richer than most people realize. When all the studies have been summarized, they leave no doubt about the actuality of sexual needs, interests, and activities in the later years of life. Certainly, marriages for older people can be quite meaningful and happy.

As Martin Berezin of Harvard University explains, “The one thing which neither grows old nor diminishes is the need for love and affection. These drives, these wishes never change.” In essence, you are never too old.