The Myths About Sexual Interaction

Published July 5, 1979. Certainly the decade of the 1970’s will be remembered for many things, including the reexamination and redefining of relationships between men and women. The contemporary women’s movement has made many more sensitive to women in general and sexuality in particular. As we approach the end of the decade, however, one wonders how long many of the myths and stereotypes about women and sexuality will be perpetuated. Among these many beliefs is the long-held tradition that sex is a man’s prerogative and a woman’s duty.

To understand the significance of this statement, we must first examine the meaning of the word ‘prerogative.’ It means “an exclusive right or privilege exercised by virtue of rank or office; a right or privilege limited to a specific person, or person of a particular category.”

Thus the idea prevails that women are the sexual playthings of men, and sexual interaction in marriage is to be encountered at the whim and desire of the husband. The only obligation of the wife, supposedly, is to meet his sexual demands as they are made.

In her book “The Future of Marriage,” Jessie Bernard has noted that the relationship between many husbands and wives is being re-examined in what she described as the “His” and “Hers” perspective of marriage. Dr Bernard suggested that two people in marriage can encounter the same experience and yet have entirely different perceptions of the same interaction. What may be meaningful and fulfilling for one is not always the same for the other.

She also stated that just because a husband enjoys a sexual relationship is no guarantee that his wife will experience any fulfillment at all. The sociologist observed that many contemporary males may have to learn more about female sexuality if marriage is going to be a viable relationship in the future.

The motives for sexual relationships in marriage are also believed to vary. The notion that men give love to get sex, and women give sex to get love is yet another example of a sexual myth that still exists. This may be true for some but need not be for all.

The belief that sex is something with which women placate men is fostered in many of the so-called men’s magazines. There has recently been much controversy and concern about the erotic pictures found in these publications, but many marriage counselors and family life educators are equally concerned about the sexual philosophies advocated in much of the reading material available for males.

Professor J. Richard Udry of the University of North Carolina has noted in his text “The Social Context of Marriage” that much of the literature for men enforces the idea that women are sexually subservient. Dr. Udry observed that the more than one hundred men’s magazines are directed specifically at arousing sexual fantasies in males. Men, he claimed, learn to view women as having an unusually high sexual orientation which may be characteristic of only 10-15 percent of women.

The portrayal in these magazines, according to Professor Udry, reflects the stereotype of the hypersexual female waiting to fulfill the sexual demands and fantasies of males. Many men, unfortunately, derive and retain similar expectations of a wife in marriage.

Dr. Udry noted other sexual myths are perpetuated in magazines for males. He found many of the publications depict only extremely beautiful women with a certain physique. This, Professor Udry observed, suggests that such women are the only ones capable of sexual interaction. Not all women, he stated, are as attractive as those in the magazines nor do they have that same body type. This does not preclude them, however, from being interested in or being capable of participating in fulfilling sexual relationships.

Marriage certainly could be more meaningful if sexual fulfillment were sought and experienced by both husband and wife. The idea that sex is a man’s prerogative and a woman’s duty has been believed too long by too many. Perhaps the time has arrived when sexual interaction in marriage can be an enjoyable privilege or prerogative for both.