It Can't Get Better Unless You Hope It Will

Published April 4, 1985. I wish you could hear Kris, my four-year-old daughter, say her prayers at night. We have been so busy, no one has taken the time to teach her how to say the right words. So Kris just says what she feels. She genuinely prays from her heart.

Kris’s prayers are “hope” prayers. She prays what she hopes for. In her prayer she says things like, “I hope that Jesus will come down from heaven,” “ I hope someday I will meet Grandmother Barlow,” (who died before Kris was born), “I hope I won’t spit at anyone,” (her own form of peacekeeping), and so on. I hope . . . I hope . . . I hope.

It is refreshing to hear Kris pray. She hopes for things as they can be, not as they are. And each day she strives to make her prayers a reality.

Mainly because of Kris’s prayers, I have taken a renewed interest in the concept of hope. Not long ago I read in the “American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT) Newsletter” that one of the main reasons married couples experience some of their difficulties is because they have no hope. They see things as they are, not as they can be.

The article went on to say that marriage counselors should try to keep hope in the minds of the couples with whom they are working. If the couple has little or no hope, then the counselor does nothing more than teach, convey, or reaffirm hope for a couple.

Not long ago I was talking to a woman who was reviewing the history of her long, difficult marriage. She was very discouraged about the future. I asked her if she believed her marriage could change. She said, “No.” I then asked her if she hoped her marriage would change. Again, she replied that she did not. She refused to see the relationship as it could be because she continually dwelt upon how it was.

At that point I suggested there was very little I or anyone else could do to assist until she both believed in and hoped for a better relationship with her husband. And if she did not hope, then I would hope for them. I am becoming more convinced that actions are a consequence of attitudes.

There is an interesting biblical verse on this very topic. It states “If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you” (Matthew 17:20).

I have always had a difficult time with religion that is either impractical or fanatical. (I have friends who wear stained glass in their spectacles.) This particular verse has continued to puzzle me. Faith to move mountains? Is that impractical, fanatical or both?

Just recently I gained a new insight to the faith vs the mountain implication. It may mean by just a little faith we can accomplish big things, “Mountain” also means “obstacle.” So, restated, if we have a little faith and believe in ourselves and others, we can remove many of the obstacles we confront in marriage and family life. Action truly follows attitude.

But then that thought is not original either. Hundreds of years ago it was also written “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7).