Hugs and Humor Save Coughing Couples

Published January 24, 1985. There is one aspect of marriage we seldom talk about. In almost every wedding ceremony it is either stated or implied that we marry “in sickness and in health,” suggesting we should be as equally devoted to each other when we are ill as when we feel well.

Looking back on nearly 20 years of marriage, Susan and I have been fortunate to experience mostly good health. We’ve made few trips to either the doctor or hospital for anything other than colds, and a few minor scrapes and cuts with the kids.

During the few times Susan has been ill, I have been the tower of good health to help her though her difficult days. And when I have been down with the occasional flu or cold, she has experienced good health sufficient to look out for my needs.

Then came the holiday season of 1984. Several of the children took turns, it seemed, staying home a day or two with the flu. Then Susan began experiencing a little coughing and a fever, and a few days later there was Doug, our oldest son, who was down with the four-day flu.

We learned the holiday seasons are truly a time for sharing. Between Christmas and New Year’s, our eight-month old baby Brandon developed strep throat, which required another trip to the doctor and the pharmacy.

Susan got over her fever but could not shake loose from her cough. During this time, I did my duty by helping our other family members.

Then it hit. In the afternoon of Sunday, January 7, I started perspiring and wheezing, and I got a headache. Doug brought by what 7-Up he had left over and wrote out when to take it and how much. He firmly believes 7-Up is a miracle drug.

I assured them all I would be better by morning. But I was not. There seems to be a syndrome with the current flu that you really don’t get completely better for some time.

Marriage is difficult enough when both partners are healthy. It becomes even more so when one or the other is ill. But no one has written the book yet on what to do when both husband and wife are ill.

Who should get up with a sick child is another column in and of itself. But what do you do when both of you have a difficult time rolling out of bed for bottle warming and doses of liquid vitamins and Amoxicillin?

It’s not so much who feels the best. It’s who feels the least worst. When the baby cries, you both awaken and review your medical condition in a way that would rival the best of physicians. But when one person’s high temperature is offset by another’s difficulty in breathing, you end up doing the same thing. You take turns.

The next morning, I was lying in bed and called to Susan, “What makes you feel the best when you are ill?”

“Make-up,” she replied. “Men do not understand that how a woman feels is greatly affected by how she looks.”

I sat up in bed and wondered if a little blush and eye shadow really would clear my head.

“Brent, why don’t you get out of bed and come and help me clear the kitchen?” she inquired.

“It’s because,” I began, “I can’t breathe, talk, and work all at the same time.”

“Why not just skip the talking and practice breathing and working?” she suggested.

Somehow, I didn’t feel Susan had watched all those NyQuil ads on television, where wives pour a spoonful of the stuff down hubby’s throat and rub his back at the same time.

Susan did come over and give me a hug while I was getting out of bed. It’s those hugs and small acts of attention that I believe every husband and wife needs to practice. Sickness is no fun at any time. But when you’re both ill, you need to do some things in your marriage that you ordinarily wouldn’t do.

Along with the hugs and the patience, we used medication and lots of rest. (The data on the effectiveness of blush and eye shadow is not in.) You will probably find, as we did, that during times of sickness in marriage, husbands and wives need to be extra sensitive and attentive.