Marriage Customs Old

Published November 29, 1979. Each year in the U.S. more than two million couples marry, and a few have unusual ceremonies. Some couples marry on the tops of mountains, while others marry underwater in swimming pools or while parachuting to the ground. But we should not assume we have abandoned tradition altogether, since there are numerous traditions that have survived hundreds of years and still linger in some form in most marriage rituals.

An interesting book has been written by William J. Fielding titled “Strange Customs of Courtship and Marriage.” In it is a chapter titled “Modern Survivals of Ancient Customs,” which describes some of the traditions that still exist.

Fielding states that marriage has passed through three general stages, each of which has contributed its share to “modern” marriage practices. There have been (a) marriage by capture or force, (b) marriage by purchase or contract, and (c) marriage by mutual consent and love.

The attendance of bridesmaids at a wedding has its historical origin in marriage by capture or force.

Anciently, the groom and his attendants had to seize or capture a bride, and she therefore needed attendants to protect her from her impending fate. There was a real or simulated struggle by the bride and her party to resist the groom and his endeavors.

Even in many contemporary ceremonies there seems to be a conspiracy to keep the bride and groom apart until they meet at the alter. Carrying the bride across the threshold also symbolizes marriage by capture.

Marriage by purchase or contract is represented in the tradition where the bride is often “given away” by someone, usually her father, and frequently the officiator asks if anyone objects to the exchange. The diamond ring has taken the place of the bride price, a gift given to the family in exchange for their daughter.

A large “hope chest” or trousseau has replaced the dowry which originally was a substantial gift or sum of money a family gave the groom as a tactful way to compensate him and his family for the bride price.

The meaning of the word “wedding” is also linked to wedding by purchase. When wives were something one bought or purchased, the “wed” was the money or its equivalent, the bride price, which the groom gave to her father to seal the transaction. The “wed” thereby became a security furnished by the groom from his family which was paid to the parents of the bride. Thus originated the term “wedding” or “pledging the troth” of the bride by the man who secured her by purchase.

The ring finger also has an ancient origin. According to Fielding, the right hand was once the symbol of power and authority while the left hand symbolized subjection. The particular finger upon which the wedding ring is worn – the fourth – also has special significance. It was once believed that a certain vein or nerve in the fourth finger on the left hand ran directly to the time-honored seat of affection – the heart. While it is now known to be an anatomical fallacy, many women would consider themselves less than married if they wore their wedding ring on any other finger.

As a matter of record, fingers on both hands have been used for wedding rings. In fact women during the Elizabethan period in England wore their wedding rings on their thumbs.

The honeymoon is also considered to be a relic of marriage by capture when it was necessary for the groom to remain in hiding with his bride until the search for her was given up. The word “honeymoon” is derived from a northern European tradition where newly married couples would drink meth Eglin or mead (wine made from honey) for a month after the marriage. Thus we have the combination of “honey” and “month” or moon.

As marriage by romance commenced it was often still necessary for a bride and groom to remain in hiding awhile until parental wrath cooled down and forgiveness was extended.

The shivaree was introduced into America by the French in Canada and Louisiana. The shivaree was the sport of harassing and often separating the newly married couple on their wedding night. In rural France, the custom of charivari was practiced where married couples, particularly those of the lower-class peasantry were serenaded or there were boisterous pranks such as beating tin-pans and kettles outside the couple’s bedroom along with other miscellaneous noises and cat calls.

The contemporary version of the American shivaree has evolved into playful pranks such as painting the car, or putting smoke bombs in it. Or the bride may occasionally be separated from the groom, necessitating that he recapture her.

The blue garter probably originated from the old couplet that a bride should wear or have “something old and something new, something borrowed and something blue.” The ancient Israelite brides wore a “ribband of blue” on the shoulders of their fringed dresses, since blue represented a color of purity, love, and fidelity among the Israelite people.