To Kiss or Not to Kiss – It All Depends

Published June 26, 1980.

QUESTION: I have been dating this guy for a few weeks, and am facing a particular problem. Should I kiss him or not? He seems to think that a little good-night kiss or two would not be out of line. I feel I do not want to kiss just anyone, but this fellow isn’t just the average date. I really like him. If I do allow him to kiss me, do you think he will lose interest in me?

ANSWERS: Your question is one that is common for many young women and young men, particularly in this age.  It is one that frequently arises in my marriage classes and interestingly enough, generates a variety of responses.

There are those who have been reared in other parts of the United States where a good-night kiss means nothing more than a polite thank-you for the evening. In fact, it is deemed impolite if the simple good-night kiss is not given or received.

Then there are those, such as yourself, who do not want to kiss just anyone and are waiting for the right person and situation. The puzzlement comes, however, in determining when and to whom a kiss should be given.

There are also, unfortunately, those who attach sexual significance to any kind of physical contact, including a kiss, and see such a gesture as the preliminary of that yet to occur.

I have had many students who are genuinely affectionate and have no qualms about kissing a fellow after a date or two as just one way to indicate they like them. The problems arise, however, when the one receiving the kiss places a different interpretation on the contact.

Whether or not to kiss an individual or allow a person to kiss you would depend on the two people involved, the situation or circumstance, and the meaning the two individuals attach to a kiss. Kissing can be a high form of communication.

But remember that withholding a kiss communicates as well. A student handed me the following poem one day after a class discussion of this very topic.

ON BEING RESPECTED

He asked me for a kiss,

I politely objected.

I knew it would be bliss,

But I might not be respected.

He asked me for a hug.

I politely objected.

I knew it would be snug.

But I might not be respected.

He asked me for my hand,

I politely objected.

I knew it would be grand.

But I might not be respected.

And now, I’m old and gray;

By men I am rejected.

They seldom take me out,

But boy am I respected.