Test Your Marital Harmony

Published January 29, 1981. How well do you get along with your husband or wife? You probably are saying you have an occasional spat now and then but nothing serious. Are you sure your spouse feels the same way? Have your confrontations lately become more frequent, or have they declined the longer you have been married?

Dr. Bernard Gurney of University Park, Pennsylvania has devised a questionnaire for husbands and wives to help determine how much harmony exists in their marriage. It also lets them know if they agree. It is called the Marital Harmony Questionnaire. Would you and your spouse like to take it?

To each of the 24 statements there are four possible responses.

Y means “YES,” Strongly Agree

y means “yes,” mildly agree, or “yes,” but not so sure

n means “no,” disagree, or “no,” but not sure

N means “NO,” Strongly Disagree

Let’s experiment with just four sample statements from Dr. Gurney’s Questionnaire. Put a circle around the letter than indicates your feelings. Mark your answers how you feel right now, not how you have felt in the past. Remember to always include yourself as part of the pair when thinking of “one of us.”

Questions:

1. Most of the time one of us is arguing with the other. Y y n N
2. At least one of us often says things that hurt the feelings of the other. Y y n N
3. I really enjoy being with my souse most of the time. Y y n N
4. It’s easy to laugh and have fun when we are together. Y y n N

You may want to mark your responses and then ask your spouse to do the same. See if you agree on just these four items. Then if you both would like to take the complete questionnaire, here’s what to do.

1. Send a long, stamped, self-addressed envelope to the address below.
2. After receiving your letter. I will send you two, unmarked, anonymous questionnaires.
3. Upon receiving your questionnaires, each of you complete one. Then discuss your responses, but do not change your answers. Return them to me, unidentified, within 10 days, and I will tabulate all of them.
4. The value of participating in the questionnaire will be derived in discussing your individual responses together. Hopefully, the insight will give you both a better perspective of your marital relationship. If in addition, you would like to receive a copy of the combined results, so state in your original letter. Within 60 days I will send a summary to all those who participate and request the summary.

The Bible teaches that we should “Have peace one with another” (Mark 9:50) and “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably” (Romans 12:18). This questionnaire will help us determine if we are and perhaps remind us that we should.

Marital Harmony Questionnaire
Dr. Brent Barlow
Box 7528 University Station
Provo, Utah 84602