How Well-Prepared Are We Prior to Marriage?

Published March 3, 1983. Do couples in the United Sates need more preparation and education for marriage? The Catholic Church seems to think so. The Diocese of Providence, Rhode Island has announced it will soon require Roman Catholic couples to wait six months before they will be allowed to marry in the Church. And during the six-month waiting period, they are required to spend several hours in marriage preparation training courses.

The Reverend Joseph Protano said the changes were made in response to complaints that the church had failed to prepare young couples for the rigors of modern marriage. Protano noted, “We spend more time preparing children for first communion and confirmation than we do preparing them for matrimony.” He also noted that contemporary marriage is one of the most demanding experiences anyone will encounter in life.

To help young Catholic couples prepare for marriage during the six-month waiting period, there will be a 12-hour “basic” course, an 18-hour “Evening for Engaged Couples” course, and a 30-hour “Engaged Encounter” program, usually conducted at a retreat over a three-day weekend. By so doing the Catholic Church hopes to lower the divorce rate among its membership.

Is the Catholic Church doing the right thing? Many think so. A year ago, I attended a marriage seminar in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. It was suggested then that we have not given contemporary couples the assistance they need either in choosing a marriage partner or helping them prepare for the event once they decide to marry. One speaker, Dr. David Olson from the University of Minnesota, noted that one way to keep the divorce rate down in the United States is to discourage certain individuals or personality types from marring each other in the first place. Dr. Olson and his associates from the University of Minnesota have devised a computer questionnaire titled “Prepare.” They have refined the instrument to the point they believe it is almost predictive of who will and who will not stay married once they tie the knot.

I have long felt that we need to do more to prepare young people in our geographical area for marriage. We put great emphasis on “where” people should marry, such as a certain church or religious sanctuary. But seldom do we give equal consideration to other important aspects of marriage preparation such as “whom” to marry, “why” to marry and “when” to marry. It seems to me that all of these are equally as important as the “where” of marriage. In fact, if the “whom,” “why,” and “when” of marriage are not given serious thought, the “where” makes little difference, if the couples are not able to stay together once they are married.

Frankly, I admire and must commend the Catholic Church for its genuine efforts to assist young Catholics in the transition to marriage. My kudos to Reverend Protano and the Diocese of Providence for taking a courageous step in stabilizing marriage and family life in the United States. We anxiously await the results and outcome of their efforts.

Do couples in Utah who are anticipating marriage need more preparation for the event? If so, what would you recommend?

FOR WHAT IT’S WORTH: I went to protest my speeding ticket as mentioned in last week’s column. I prepared my defense by watching several programs of “The People’s Court” on television. Then, on February 23, I went down to the courthouse and sat down by the rest of the Orem felons. I pleaded my case, confessed my guilt, appealed to the judge’s Christian concept of mercy by asking for forgiveness. And then I inwardly prayed.

The judge paused, thought it over, and fined me $20. Such is justice.