Preparing for the Time When Your Children Leave Home

Published May 22, 1986. I believe every parent should keep two distinct images in mind for each child. The first would be the day of their birth. What happened the few hours before the child arrived? Can we remember the joy at the moment of birth, when we finally caught our first glimpse of our long-awaited child? Most parents have some sort of recollection of the arrival of each child. There may even be photographs in scrapbooks to help us remember the joyful event.

Susan and I, for instance, often reflect on the birth of our first child, Doug. He was born at 9:48 p.m., April 28, 1967, in Bountiful. We were living in Kaysville at the time, and I was teaching LDS Seminary at Davis High School. It had rained most of the day, which also happened to be my birthday. Doug was the first grandchild of Susan’s parents, Cecil and Alice Day, and the fourth grandchild of my parents, Alvin and Ruth Barlow. It was an exciting day for all and one we cherish to remember.

The second event is more difficult to visualize, since for many parents it has not yet occurred. That event is the day the child will leave home. And though it is yet in the future, it is equally important. The day will surely come when in one way or another the child will leave father and mother.

For many parents the exact time or date of the child’s departure is not always known. It may be gradual and occur over a few weeks or even months. Other parents, however, can anticipate the exact date the child will leave home. This might happen when the child leaves to go to college, seeks employment, enters the armed services, or leaves for some other planned event.

Several stages of married life have been noted. There is (1) marriage when there are not children; (2) marriage with young children; (3) marriage with teenagers; (4) marriage when children begin to leave home; (5) marriage during the middle years; and (6) marriage after retirement.

Parents soon realize the demands and difficulties of rearing children as they proceed from one stage to the next. There is a mixture of both blessings and burdens that come at unexpected times. But if forced to choose between having or not having children, most parents would willingly accept the burdens than give up the blessings.

In two weeks Susan and I will enter a new stage of family life when our oldest son Douglas leaves home. We have known for some time that the event will occur on June 4, 1986. Not only will Doug be leaving home, he will also be leaving the country.

Since his departure has become more of a reality, we have shed a tear or two. It is difficult to realize that your children grow up and leave home so soon. What at times in the past seemed like ages now appear to be mere moments.

Doug, we hope you learn to appreciate the people in Guatemala during the next two years. We wish you Godspeed as you enter life less encumbered by parental concerns. And what is true of all other parents who watch their children grow up and leave home is also now true of us. We simply want you to know we love you and will miss you.

The hand prints on the wall do indeed grow higher and higher. And finally they are gone.