Locally-Written Book on Marriage Worth Reading

Published July 10, 1986. A few months ago, I attended a meeting on marriage and family in Dallas, Texas. One of the speakers was Delores Curran, who has written two books. Her first was “Traits of a Healthy Family,” and her latest is “Stress and the Healthy Family.” During her lecture, Delores stated that people today want to know what other successful married couples and families are doing.  Most want to model success and not just stay clear of problems. She indicated both her seminars and books are very popular. People simply want to know how to succeed.

Now we have a similar book written by a psychologist from our own area. He is Dr. Lynn Scoresby from Brigham Young University, and his new book is titled “Foundation for a Happier Marriage.”

In the beginning of his book, Dr. Scoresby notes, “In some ways, every marriage is different from any other because two people together create a unique personality for their marriage. But in other ways, all marriages are alike. I believe it is best to see marriage as a set of shared situations, created simply by the state of being married. Such situations provide some of life’s most personal and profound experiences.”

So what are some of these experiences that couples share in marriage? This BYU professor believes there are six major areas:

1. The sexual relationship – all forms of (or lack of) affection, warmth, expressions of love, and sexual activity.
2. Money and resources – all activities, conversations, and management skills related to money, possessions, and resources needed for living.
3. Child care – all activities, discipline, teaching times, and conversation involved with the rearing of children (also the inadequacies, un-involvement, and indifferences between parent and child.)
4. Social activities – all social events, together or as individuals, all friendships, and all relationships with business and personal acquaintances.
5. Religious activities – all religious beliefs and all participation or non-participation in religious activities.
6. Relatives – time spent with and thoughts and feelings concerning parents (natural parents and in-laws), grandparents, and other close relatives.

In “Foundations for a Happier Marriage,” Dr. Scoresby has chapters on Communication, Commitment, Love, Dealing with Differences, Anger, and Hope.

I particularly appreciate his insights in his last chapter, “Accepting with Hope.” In it he notes the following:

“Many people would not be willing to stake their happiness on something as intangible as hope. More often people consider basing their happiness on something more tangible, such as money, a nice home, or a social life. While such things may be important, some people are quite happy without any of these tangible supports. Indeed, each person’s source of happiness is to some degree unique; what each of us is willing to rely on or to believe in may be different. Nevertheless, it is hopefulness – simple and sometimes subtle hope – that triggers the sense of happiness in all of us.

Dr. Scoresby then concludes, “We can easily generate hope for ourselves that living together will be increasingly enjoyable. We need only recognize that happiness results from the hope expressed when we share pleasant things."