In Some Ways, Valentine’s Day Has a Few Pitfalls

Published February 12, 1987. Several years ago, we were living in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. One day a reporter called at the University of Wisconsin-Stout where I was teaching. Valentine’s Day was approaching, and he wanted an interview.

The reporter was from a city newspaper and when he arrived he had a tape recorder. He wanted to know if he could tape our interview about Valentine’s Day.

There really was nothing spectacular about the interview. We just talked about romance, contemporary marriage, and a few things like that. We talked for more than a half an hour. Then he turned off his tape recorder, stood up and put on his coat. I thought the interview was over.

So I leaned back in my chair and put my hands behind my head. “You know,” I reflected, “in some ways Valentine’s Day may be harmful.”

“You think so?” he said as he buttoned up his coat.

“Yes,” I continued. “If husbands and wives only exchange gifts of love and appreciation on Valentine’s Day and a few other days like that, maybe something is wrong.”

I didn’t notice at the time, but he took out his notepad and pencil and began writing once again.

“If you think about it,” I continued as I looked out the window, “there are about a half dozen days during the year when we are supposed to let a husband or wife know we love and appreciate them. There are times like Valentine’s Day, birthdays, wedding anniversaries, Mother’s and Father’s Day, and Christmas.”

The reporter continued writing.

“What if we only are loving and attentive during these five or six days? What about the other 360 days during the year when we are not expected to do anything?”

“Interesting,” the reporter responded as he turned his note page over.

Then I said it. “Maybe there are dangers in Valentine’s Day. Maybe we are conditioned to be loving and attentive only a few days during the year.”

“I see what you mean,” he responded.

The interview ended, and the reporter left. I thought nothing more about it . . . until a few days later.

I walked in the office and the department secretary asked me where I had been. She said two or three radio stations had called and wanted to talk to me – live – on the air.

I asked why, and she said, “It may have something to do with this.”

She held up one of the morning newspapers from Milwaukee. In it was an article titled “University Professor Notes Dangers of Valentine’s Day.”

Four radio stations called that morning. The article was carried in 10 Midwestern newspapers, and later that week I was interviewed on two television talk shows. Everyone wanted to talk to the marriage counselor and professor who believed that Valentine’s Day was evil.

During the interview I continually tried to defend myself. Yes, I believed in Valentine’s Day. Yes, I planned to give my wife a valentine. Yes, I did see merit in exchanging gifts or tokens of appreciation a few times a year. And no, in addition, I did not think Santa Claus was harming the children or the nation.

I hope you understand what I meant. Susan will get a valentine again this year. But I still think there is something wrong if we don’t do anything else about being loving and attentive the other 360 days during the year.

And if any other newspaper, radio, or television reporters read this column, please . . . no calls. Just go buy someone you love a valentine.