In Marriage, Information Crucial to Success

Published April 30,1987. Although we’ve all said, at some point, “Ignorance is bliss,” or “What you don’t know won’t hurt you,” a lack of information in some areas of life can matter a great deal. This is particularly true in how husbands and wives relate sexually.

A few weeks ago, returning by plane from a speaking engagement in Texas, I talked with the gentleman next to me. He showed me an article he was reading, titled, “Why Don’t I Enjoy Sex More,” printed in the April Reader’s Digest.

He admitted that, as a married man, he had more than a passing interest in the subject of sexuality. I admitted a similar interest. He said it was an excellent article and suggested I read it.

He was right. It is a well-written, informative article by Nancy Friedman, just four pages long. She asks husbands and wives a few important questions pertaining to a lack of sexual enjoyment in marriage: (1) Have you been under stress? (2) Is your timing out of sync? (Some people are “a.m.-ers” and others are “p.m.-ers.”) (3) Are there other problems going on between you? (4) Are either of you repeatedly taking prescription (or nonprescription) drugs?

If you have not read the article, I recommend it. And let me ask this: What informative or helpful information have you recently read about sexuality?

When people contact me and ask what they might read on the topic, I frequently recommend one or two books. My associate at BYU, Dr. Robert Stahmann, is a certified sex therapist and member of The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. In a recent speech at BYU he suggested several books and articles for those husbands and wives interested in the topic.

In a future column I will note the books and articles I recommend for reading on sexuality. With Dr. Shahman’s permission, perhaps I could note some of the ones he recommends. First, though, I am interested in what you are reading on the topic. Where are you getting the information that has been helpful to you and perhaps to your marriage partner?

Just drop me a short note or letter within the next week and mention any informative article or book you have read on sexuality in marriage. Also indicate if you would like a copy of the results of the survey. Remember, you have to recommend something helpful you have read in order to receive the completed list.