Think Carefully Before You Put Marriage ‘Asunder’

Published June 18, 1987. A biblical verse has been of particular interest to me. It is Matthew 19:6 “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

The thought is interesting for two primary reasons. The first is from a marriage counselor’s perspective. In Matthew 19, the Pharisees came to Jesus and asked Him when divorce was justified. The answer was that the institution of marriage is divine and man should be careful to terminate something of a sacred nature.

Over the many years I have been a marriage counselor, I have had the occasion to meet with couples who do, indeed, feel their marriage had a divine origin and was sanctified by Deity. They invite me to deliberate with them whether or not they should now terminate the marriage for a variety of reason.

It is a difficult situation for both the couple and me. After sharing many years of married life, their relationship often becomes a complex and sometimes painful situation. A number of couples do choose to divorce after long and careful deliberation. Others decide to remain married and try to work out a more desirable marital relationship.

As a counselor I feel a great responsibility when dealing with couples who have deep religious convictions. Many of them believe they were originally “joined together” by God. And I try to be careful in such situations not to “put asunder,” intentionally or unintentionally, such marriages.

My second interest in the biblical admonition comes from my observation of many men and women, both married and single, who somehow justify to themselves the right to “date” or frequently see other married husbands or wives. In many of these clandestine relationships, people go out with married spouses who are deeply religious and who also believe their marriage was “joined together" by divine decree. And there are some who participate, often intentionally, in “putting asunder” or breaking up something believed to be of divine origin.

Plainly put, I have always wondered why some individuals feel they have the right to date, and even take away, another person already committed in marriage. And why would people already married allow themselves to date or meet other men or women at a private rendezvous?

The act disregards marital vows and commitments to forsake all others. In addition, they undermine marital trust, which frequently leads to infidelity. When married people “date” others, it is often the beginning of the end of one or more marriages.

People who are single or unhappily married have no right to pursue a relationship with someone who is already married and thereby legally, morally, and often religiously committed. If such individuals want to marry or remarry, they have the right to do so. There is usually a field of single eligibles from which to choose.

But other married individuals, I believe, are not candidates for those desiring to marry, and they should be strictly considered off limits. Marriage today is difficult enough without having to compete with a third party for the interests and affections of one’s spouse.

When a husband and wife begin and try to maintain a marriage based on deep religious convictions, other men and women should not try to break it up for their own personal pursuits, gains, or interests.

This is ancient wisdom with contemporary relevance.