Rooster in Coop Worth 2 in Tree

Published May 26, 1988. Even if husband is just average, maybe he’s worth hanging on to.

I have a suggestion for married women who are in their 40s or early 50s and thinking about divorce. If you have just an average husband . . . hang on to him.

Over the years I have had the opportunity to talk to many women who were seriously contemplating divorce. In some of the marriages there was blatant abuse or neglect by the husband over a number of years. In such cases it is easier to make a decision to terminate a marriage.

Difficulties arise, however, when wives are unhappy in their marriages, but their husbands are not really that bad. The problem is that they are not really good either. Kind of average. Perhaps less than exciting. On a day-to-day basis they may even be described as rather predictable and unchanging.

Many wives in such relationships often wonder if they could do better by leaving their spouse. The husbands may be good providers but just average at romance. To wives in these marriages my advice has always been the same: Hang on to these mediocre men if you are older than 40 or rapidly approaching 50.

Why such advice? It is rather simple. Simple arithmetic that is. Supply and demand. The older women become, the fewer single men there are available for marriage. And just because single men are available does not always make them desirable.

My view on this topic was reinforced recently when I was reviewing one of the new texts on marriage and family. The text noted that if a couple is over 50 years of age and the husband dies, only 6 percent of wives remarry. The main reason? A shortage of available men.

The simple truth is that available single men over 50 often prefer young women for marriage. That is a fact of life. But men tend to marry women younger than themselves regardless of age. This trend, known as the mating gradient, leaves a disproportionate number of women single as they grow older.

Here is another observation for women with “average” husbands. If you don’t want him, there are dozens of women out there who do. They will take him as he is, with few questions asked. So before you give serious thought to leaving him for greener pastures, remember someone else will gladly move in and take your place.

It is much easier for older men to remarry than it is for older women. And the terrain that becomes an oasis for men often becomes a desert for women. So think twice before you give him away, literally, to someone else.

One last thought for women with mediocre husbands. If current trends continue, you will outlive your husband at least 7 to 10 years. The time will come more quickly than you think when you will be single again. Not divorced but widowed. It is a fact of life few wives contemplate. You will have plenty of time then to think about the marriage that you once had. Hopefully it will still be intact when it comes time for hubby to depart.

Think about it. He may not be all that great. But then again, maybe he is not all that bad either. And remember, if you leave him, there is no guarantee that there is someone else out there waiting for you who is better. Perhaps not even as good. And if you don’t want him, just keep in mind that there are many other women who do.

So remember: The grass is often greener . . . where you water it.