Son’s Comment Made 20-Hour Drive Worth It

Published March 15, 1990. Last week I went to Reno, Nevada to give a speech on marriage. I usually fly to such engagements, but this time I decided to drive and took our three youngest children with me. Traveling nearly 600 miles each way across the Utah-Nevada desert with Jason, age 13; Kristin, age 9; and Brandon, age 5 proved to be an interesting experience. And, I might add, a pleasant one at that.

Before we left, I gave my standard speech about if they didn’t get along we would pull the car over to the side of the road until they got it worked out. We only had to stop twice, and that was on the way home. It was rare for me to spend so much time with three of my children with few distractions. Time is indeed the ingredient on which relationships are built.

We stayed in downtown Reno on Thursday night. Within one block of our motel were three little chapels which all had signs that read, “Marriage Made Easy.” My daughter Kristin asked why there were so many little churches in downtown Reno. And she asked, “Why do they make marriage easy?”

That was a difficult question to answer. I explained that they were not necessarily churches, and they just made the procedure for getting married easier. I reassured my young daughter that marriage is not easy. It is challenging and demanding – yet very rewarding. She said she was glad. (I think she has one or two prospects in mind.)

Kris wanted to know why the “chapels” were so small, where did all the family members sit, and how could they fit all the neighbors in such as small place for the wedding reception? I tried to explain that few people attended weddings in these small buildings, and receptions were usually not held there. She said she didn’t understand why anyone would have a wedding and not want to invite lots of people. I said I did not understand either.

The next morning we decided to take a walk through downtown Reno. On one of the streets there was another business with a large yellow sign which read “Divorces Made Easy.” Jason, the 13-year-old, asked about the place and why people would want to make divorces easy. Once again I tried to explain why some would want to make divorce a simple process. After my explanation he said he still didn’t understand. And quite honestly, neither did I.

I spoke in Reno Friday night, and Saturday morning we decided to drive to the south end of Lake Tahoe. We stopped in Carson City on the way and visited the Nevada State Museum, which the children enjoyed. We were met in Tahoe by a snow storm, so we turned around and headed back to Reno.

Sometimes I think we make parenthood too difficult. There is a concept called “analysis paralysis” which means we become so analytical about something that we cease to function because we can’t figure out how it can or should work. Perhaps that is true of family life. Many people do it, and apparently do it well, without a lot of thought about what is going on.

During our trip, I took the children to Circus Circus in Reno. We threw the balls and popped the balloons and came away with a few treasured stuffed animals. We bought things like Slurpees at 7-Eleven and made a few other unscheduled stops for treats along the way.

Late Saturday afternoon we were finishing our meal at the Pizza Hut. Jason and Kris were having a philosophical debate about who should get the last piece of pizza. Brandon, the 5-year-old, looked over at me with pizza all over his face. He said “Daddy, thank you for taking me on this trip. I’m having such a good time.” And then he added, “I love you very much.”

My friends, that one unsolicited comment from my young son meant a great deal to me. It alone made 20 hours of driving in the Utah-Nevada desert all worthwhile.