Find Out How You’ll Be Fed

Published July 31, 1980.

QUESTION: How important is it for a young woman to know how to cook before she gets married? I am engaged and plan to marry in December. Our only major problem is that my fiancée hasn’t had much experience cooking and thinks it won’t matter. She says we can eat out a lot and buy food that she will just have to warm and serve. Is this realistic for newlyweds?

ANSWER: It is important for all married couples to dine out periodically, just to be alone and give the wife a rest. And buying pre-cooked foods can be advantageous once in a while, but a steady diet of it can get monotonous. Pre-processed foods also cost much more than food you buy and prepare yourself.

I have always maintained that every couple needs at least three books when they get married—a  finance book, a sex book, and a cook book. It seems to me your future bride is desperately in need of the last.

There are many daily routines newlyweds must establish, and cooking, eating, cleaning up, and getting rid of the garbage happen to be some of these common occurrences. A married couple eats upwards of 1,000 meals together annually, and I can think of few things that can take the zip out of marriage more than sitting down together to 1,000 ill-prepared, unappetizing meals each year.

There is another way to overcome your problem in addition to your fiancee’s learning how to cook. You may want to take the major responsibility for cooking and allow her to putter around outside in the yard or garage while you take charge in the kitchen.

There are many couples today who find this a viable option, and it appears to be neither demeaning nor threatening to either husband or wife. This is done, obviously, with the assumption that you are a competent cook yourself.

It may be a little embarrassing when you invite friends over to dinner. Your wife will have to entertain your company in the front room with chit-chat and small talk while you prepare the meal. But you can get by doing this for a few months.

Sooner or later, however, I think your wife will have to or want to get involved in food purchasing and preparation. Leaving both of these responsibilities to the husband just bucks tradition too much. Women still purchase and prepare most of the food and you doing it alone all the time may be unfair to both yourself and your new bride.

Some would like to ignore realities in marriage such as cooking and eating, but it is impossible to do so. Gates Hebbard has given this “Advice for Grooms-to-Be:”

Gentlemen, before you wed

            Ascertain how you’ll be fed.

            Delve into each pan and pot

            That your bride-to-be has got.

Though her kisses always please,

What about her recipes?

Though her glamour makes you sigh

Can she bake an apple pie?

Now, before it is too late,

Learn your gastronomic fate

Do not trust your burning ardor

Till you’ve snooped around her larder.

More than once has sex appeal

Died with the initial meal.