Everything in Life’s a Matter of Perception

Published January 23, 1986. Susan and I, like most other married couples, go through the monthly ritual of reviewing our checking account when the bank statement arrives.

Recently, after nearly an hour of intense review and evaluation, I stated, “Susan, it appears our checking account is overdrawn.”

“I really don’t think that’s the problem.” she replied, “It’s just under-deposited.”

“Her comment caught me off guard. But was she correct? Was our account overdrawn or under-deposited? Like so many aspects of our marriage, it is simply a matter of perception.

Like, for instance, the other night we were going out. I can’t remember where, but I do remember the few minutes before we left. As is often the case, we were running late. I was ready to leave Susan wasn’t.

So I asked. “Susan, I’m ready to leave. How long will it be before you are ready to go?”

She replied. “I’m ready to go right now.”

That, again, is a matter of perception. “Right now,” to me means let’s walk out the door. “Right now,” to Susan means anytime within the next twelve minutes.

Then there is the matter of perception regarding “clean.” A few weeks ago, Susan was supposed to go to a church meeting on Wednesday night. Just an hour before she was supposed to leave, the kitchen needed a little attention (actually a lot) and being the generous soul that I am, I offered to “clean” the kitchen while she was gone. She appreciated my offer.

She returned a few hours later and walked in the kitchen. I heard a sigh of dismay. “What is the matter?” I asked from the TV room.

“The kitchen,” she exclaimed, “I thought you said you were going to clean it.”

“But I did ‘clean’ the kitchen.” Susan corrected me, “Just look at it. It’s nowhere near ‘clean.’”

Again, it was a matter of perception. I did clean the kitchen from my point of view. My idea of cleaning the kitchen is picking the big stuff off the floor. Like half-eaten hot dogs. Or wiping up dangerous areas of spilled spaghetti, so no one will slip and fall.

I had “cleaned” the kitchen because the dirty dishes were all stacked neatly in the sink. And the pots and pans used for cooking were all filled with hot sudsy water, so they could soak. Pretty good job, I thought. Susan didn’t.

But Susan and I are probably not the only couple with different perceptions of marital events. Periodically she and my two sisters from Salt Lake, Karen Schneider and Jane Sorenson, go shopping. The three specialize in predicting sales and are thinking about forming a group.

Several hours after a sale, they return with credit cards smoldering. Then they try to convince Lance, Lee, and me how much money they have saved that day. As mentioned, many such events in marriage are viewed from differing perspectives.

Susan has also just informed me she has an exciting idea how we can save nearly one hundred dollars next month. I can hardly wait to hear about it.

It may be true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And from my point of view, so is reality.