Determining Your ‘Marital Net Worth’

Published May 8, 1986. About 10 years after we were married, Susan and I decided we would sit down and determine our financial net worth. We had before us some instructions on how this was to be done. First, we were to write down all our debts. Everything we owed everyone else.

So, we got out some blank sheets of paper, a few pencils and went to work. We wrote down the mortgage on our home and the money owed on our automobile. It was a sizeable amount.

We then added in all our other debts. There were the credit card accounts and our furniture payments. The list seemed to go on and on. When we had a complete list, we added it up. And to be honest, we were quite discouraged. We had no idea that we had so many liabilities. We were not sure this exercise was going to be a positive experience.

We continue to look over our discouraging list of debts. We talked about them and dwelt on them for some time. It was a dismal feeling, to say the least.

Finally, we looked at the instructions which suggested we next make a list of what we owned or our assets. So, we took another blank piece of paper and started the second list. We listed the obvious. The market value of our home and cars. We figured out the approximate value of our furniture and household appliances at the time. There were a few other items of value that came to mind. And the longer we discussed our assets, the more we could recall.

Finally, we added up the list of our possessions. The instructions then suggested we subtract the sum of our liabilities from the sum of our assets. The result was our financial net worth.

We finished the task and found that even though we owed others a considerable sum of money, our assets were slightly greater. When all factors were considered, we found we actually were worth something financially.

The exercise also taught us a valuable lesson about life, and particularly about marriage:

THE LIABILITIES MUST ALWAYS BE WEIGHTED AGAINST THE ASSETS.

Let me explain. When we were determining our financial net worth, I mentioned that we dwelt for a long time on our debts, our liabilities. And if that was all we looked at, I think we might have become unduly discouraged. It was only after we determined what we owned, our assets, that the whole financial picture took on a different perspective. When compared to our assets, our liabilities didn’t look quite so bad.

As a marriage counselor, couples often bring to me long lists, mental and verbal, of what is wrong with their marriage, their marital liabilities. They tend to rehearse these at length and continually talk about what has gone wrong in their marital relationship.

I often suggest they refocus their attention on their marital assets. What is going well now or has gone well in the past? Do they regard their children as assets in their marriage? In addition, what have they invested thus far in the marriage in time, energy, emotion, and yes, even money?

Married couples often dwell too much on their marital troubles or liabilities. But when they concentrate on the positive aspects as well, the marital troubles – both imagined and real – seem less disruptive.

Regarding both money and marriage, remember that the liabilities must always be weighed against the assets.