If Men and Women Were Stoves: Gas n’ Electric

Published October 30, 1986. The analogies and comparisons we make to learn about life are interesting. During the past few days I have been discussing the unit on “Intimacy and Affection” in my “Preparation for Marriage” class of BYU.

During our discussions we have been talking about trends in sexual behavior in the United States. Most students indicate the majority of young people, at least 80 percent, do not wait until marriage to experience sexual relations.

One young coed in my class noted the trend and then asked if a young couple desired to wait until marriage, who was responsible for control? The male or female?

It is an interesting question and one that is asked often in my classes. The most common response is that the woman is responsible for controlling the sexual aspect of the relationship prior to marriage. The reason often given is that the male has a much stronger sex drive, one that many believe is difficult to control. He is the one who usually initiates intimacy, and the young woman, supposedly being less sexually inclined, is the one who is expected to control his advances.

This line of reasoning from the students came out once again in my class. One young woman related an analogy that had been explained to her by a man. He stated the differences in sexual inclinations between men and women might be compared to gas stoves and electric stoves. Gas stoves, she was told, are easily lit, quick to ignite, and the flame can be extinguished quickly. Electric stoves, on the other hand, are slow to start, long burning, and hard to cool down once they are lit.

He had told her that women are like electric stoves when it comes to sexuality. Men are quickly aroused while women are much slower to warm up. But once, “turned on” women retain their interest much longer.

My student asked me what I thought of the analogy. I replied that it was interesting and fit the common thought that women must maintain the control of sexual behavior before marriage. But I also said there is just one thing wrong with the analogy.

It is very misleading and untrue.

For years we have been led to believe that men are more easily aroused than women in sexual matters. Young women, therefore, have been given the responsibility for control, and if there was a lack of control, she has usually received the blame and experienced the most guilt for the inappropriate behavior. After all, young men supposedly cannot control their sexual urges.

Recent research, however, indicates otherwise. I told my students we are now aware that sexual inclinations are just as strong, if not stronger in many cases, in young women as in young men. And women can respond to sexual stimuli just as quickly as do men. The major problem is, they just don’t know it. In regard to sexual matters, young men and women are both like gas stoves in that they are easily lit.

It simply is not fair for individuals, family, religious leaders, or society to continue to expect young women to be solely responsible for control of sexual behavior before marriage. If a young couple desire to wait until marriage to express sexual intimacy, which the students in my classes do, then both the young man and young woman must accept the responsibility for control. They must realize they both are like gas and electric stoves combined. Easily lit and once lit, long burning.

And knowing this, a new era of sexual responsibility and understanding must emerge.