Divorce Decisions Should Outweigh Consequences

Published April 15, 1982. One of the most sensitive decisions a married couple will ever face is whether or not to terminate their marriage by divorce. And currently, about 40 percent of couples in the United States choose to do so. The number of other couples who seriously contemplate divorce is not presently known.

Regarding marriage and divorce, there are at least four categories of people (1) those who divorce and later feel it was the correct decision; (2) those who divorce and later feel it was the incorrect decision; (3) those who remain married and later feel it was the correct decision; and (4) those who remain married and later feel it was the incorrect decision.

Whether or not a couple should stay married or divorce is a decision that only they can make, since they are the ones who will experience the consequences of the decision. Advice may be given, both solicited and unsolicited, but ultimately it is the couple who must decide.

Those who are married and are seriously contemplating divorce may be interested in the thoughts of Dr. Richard B. Stuart, who recently wrote an interesting book titled “Helping Couples Change.” Dr. Stuart is a professor of Family and Community Medicine at the University of Utah.

In his book, Dr. Stuart notes, “The avid test of the wisdom of divorce can be found only in an assessment of its effects. While it has been shown that divorce and separation have devastating effects on most of those who move apart, many individuals thrive on the new freedom of separate living.”

According to Dr. Stuart, many couples in stressful marriages look only at the apparent advantages of divorce. These may include (1) the freedom from domestic routines; (2) an opportunity to rear children without the opposition of the other parent; (3) freedom from conflict with a troubled spouse; (4) an opportunity to control one’s own resources and life space; and (5) opportunities to make personally fulfilling choices without the constraint of considering the wishes of another.

But Dr. Stuart warns that divorce is far from being an unmixed blessing. He reviews, for instance, many studies which indicate that the physical and mental health of divorced individuals is often less than the health of those whose marriages remain intact. Divorced individuals, he concludes, have higher mortality rates, higher suicide rates, higher rates of victimization through homicide, higher rates of fatal auto accidents and increased sickness, particularly coronary disease and cancer of the digestive organs.

Divorced individuals also appear to be at risk for mental disorders. Dr. Stuart points out that the risk rates of the formerly married exceed those of the married by as much as 20-fold in certain categories.

And finally, Dr. Stuart reports that few individuals benefit economically from divorce, particularly the husbands. The U.S. Bureau of Census shows that the average annual incomes of married men are significantly greater than those of men who are separated, divorced, widowed, or never married. So great is the economic disruption of divorce that one researcher observed that divorce is a stronger correlate of poverty than is race.

Before a couple decides to divorce, they should carefully examine the consequences on both sides of the ledger. Will the perceived advantages outweigh the potential disadvantages?

It may be found, Dr. Stuart concludes, that the psychological benefits of trying to improve the marriage may far outweigh the eventual stresses that come with separation.

If others have comments on this topic, I’d like to hear from you.